So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off! Source: http://www.AhaJokes.com/

The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone?" "Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business." source: http://miteshasher.blogspot.com

These are from actual resumes: "Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs. "I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability." "Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap." "I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich." "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job." "Number of dependents: 40." "Marital Status: Often. Children: Various." RESUME BLOOPERS "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook." REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: "Responsibility makes me nervous." "They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions." REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB: "Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches." "I was working for my mom until she decided to move." "The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers." JOB RESPONSIBILITIES: "While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility." "I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award." SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES: "Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job." "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage." "I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant." PHYSICAL DISABILITIES: "Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep." PERSONAL INTERESTS: "Donating blood. 14 gallons so far." SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING: "Education: College, August 1880-May 1984." "Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse." "Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget." "I'm a rabid typist." "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."

Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk 15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to." 13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper" 12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!" 11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!" 10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance" 9. "Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend. 8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress." 7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 6. "The coffee machine is broken...." 5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot." 4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!" 3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!" 2. "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands." AND THE #1 BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK: "Amen" -------------------------------------------- Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/

This from an actual  software guy's resume!: Hobbies:  I love to catch bugs in people's code

Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/ "A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation." Howard Scott. "I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons." Douglas Adams. "I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." Charles Lamb. "In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock." Orson Welles. "Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet." Mark Twain (...more Mark Twain Quotes). "The definition of a consultant: Someone who borrows, your watch, tells you the time and then charges you for the privilege." letter in the Times newspaper. "In the business world an executive knows something about everything, a technician knows everything about something and the switchboard operator knows everything." Harold Coffin. "The first rule of business is: Do other men for they would do you." Charles Dickens. "Few great men would have got past personnel." Paul Goodman. "When I asked my accountant if anything could get me out of this mess I am in now he thought for a long time and said, 'Yes, death would help'." Robert Morley.

Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/ "The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill." Peter Ustinov. "More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits." John Nelson. "Gentlemen prefer bonds." Andrew Mellon. "I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside." Ken Dodd. "We didn't actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure." Keith Davis. "If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem." JP Getty. "I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock this afternoon." Henry Youngman. "To make a million, start with $900,000." Morton Shulman. "Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination." Oscar Wilde (...more Oscar Wilde Quotes). "A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist." Franklin Jones.

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "twenty-two. " The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Smith, two and two was proven to be four. The last applicant was an accountant. The businessman asked him, "How much is two and two?" The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job... source: http://miteshasher.blogspot.com

A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?" The young man answered, "Yes, I did." To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?" source: http://miteshasher.blogspot.com

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face." "He's an arrogant, self-important jerk, piss on him!" "You did. All over his suit, "Louise informed him. "And he fired you." "Well, screw him," said John. "I did. You're back at work on Monday." Source: http://miteshasher.blogspot.com

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does. Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits. Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened. Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor. Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message. Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system. source: http://miteshasher.blogspot.com

Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/ Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do. * * * Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss--and you will get caught--your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You're not a loafer, you're a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander. * * * Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives. * * * Voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing-- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's the way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full"--a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your butt in here by 8:00!"
2. Take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human Resources.
4. "I''d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
6. You want to see if it''s like the dream.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they''ve seen where you keep them.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
10. No one steals your chair.

source www.slinkycity.com

Apple Computers It was the favourite fruit of founder Steve Jobs. He was three months late in filing a name for the business, and he threatened to call his company Apple Computers if the other colleagues didn't suggest a better name by 5 O'clock. CISCO It is not an acronym as popularly believed. It is short for San Francisco. Compaq This name was formed by using COMp, for computer, and PAQ to denote a small integral object. Corel The name was derived from the founder's name Dr.Michael Cowpland. It stands for COwpland REsearch Laboratory. Google The name started as a joke boasting about the amount of information the search-engine would be able to search. It was originally named 'Googol', a word for the number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros.After founders - Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and Larry Page presented their project to an angel investor, they received a cheque made out to 'Google' Hotmail Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing e-mail via the web from a computer anywhere in the world.When Sabeer Bhatia came up with the business plan for the mail service, he tried all kinds of names ending in 'mail' and finally settled for hotmail as it included the letters "html" - the programming language used to write web pages. It was initially referred to as HoTMaiL with selective uppercasing. Hewlett Packard Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett. Intel Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new company 'Moore Noyce' but that was already trademarked by a hotel chain so they had to settle for an acronym of INTegrated ELectronics. Lotus (Notes) Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from 'The Lotus Position' or 'Padmasana'. Kapor used to be a teacher of Transcendental Meditation of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Microsoft Coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to MICROcomputer SOFTware. Originally christened Micro-Soft, the '-' was removed later on. Motorola Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company started manufacturing radios for cars. The popular radio company at the time was called Victrola. ORACLE Larry Ellison and Bob Oats were working on a consulting project for the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency). The code name for the project was called Oracle (the CIA saw this as the system to give answers to all questions or something such). The project was designed to help use the newly written SQL code by IBM. The project eventually was terminated but Larry and Bob decided to finish what they started and bring it to the world. They kept the name Oracle and created the RDBMS engine. Later they kept the same name for the company. Sony It originated from the Latin word 'sonus' meaning sound, and 'sonny' a slang used by Americans to refer to a bright youngster. SUN Founded by 4 Stanford University buddies, SUN is the acronym for Stanford University Network. Andreas Bechtolsheim built a microcomputer; Vinod Khosla recruited him and Scott McNealy to manufacture computers based on it, and Bill Joy to develop a UNIX-based OS for the computer. Yahoo! The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his book 'Gulliver's Travels'. It represents a person who is repulsive in appearance and action and is barely human. Yahoo! Founders Jerry Yang and David Filo selected the name because they considered themselves yahoos source:www.bero.com

After a two-year long study, The National Science Foundation announced the following results on Corporate America's recreational preferences:

1. The sport of choice for male unemployed or incarcerated individuals is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for male maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for male front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for male supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for male middle management is TENNIS.
6. The sport of choice for male corporate officers is GOLF.

Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become... source: DkSdBubba

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a hoot.
3. How about "never?" Is "never" good for you?
4. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
5. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
6. Ahhh, I see the mess-up fairy has visited us again.
7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of co-workers.
8. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
9. Are you coming on to me or having a seizure?
10. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

source: www.butlerwebs.com

Just in case you ever got the two mixed up, this should make things a bit more clear: IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8 x 10 cell. AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6 x 8 cubicle. IN PRISON... you get three meals a day. AT WORK... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. IN PRISON... you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK... you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. IN PRISON... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself. IN PRISON... you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK... you get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON... you get your own toilet. AT WORK... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat. IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK... you can't even speak to your family. IN PRISON... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required. AT WORK... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. IN PRISON... you spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out. AT WORK... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars. IN PRISON... you must deal with sadistic wardens. AT WORK... they are called managers. source: www.butlerwebs.com

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve." Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook. About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds. Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes". Source: wwww.jokersrevenge.com

My Fellow Employees, It has come to our attention that employees may be taking too much time off from work. As such we have instuted the following policies for all employees to follow. SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. VACATION DAYS: All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1,  July 4 & Dec. 25 BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough. OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement. RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open. LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week. Signed The Management source: www.jokersrevenge.com

Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/ e-mail one Attention: Human Resources Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Often Joe takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Joe can be classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be executed as soon as possible. Regards, Project Leader e-mail two Attention: Human Resources Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines [1, 3, 5, etc.] for my true assessment of his ability. Regards, Project Leader

Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/ "Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty." George Bernard Shaw (...more George Bernard Shaw Quotes). "A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth." Patrick Murray. "The one great principle of English law is to make business for itself." Charles Dickens. "A man may as well open an oyster without a knife, as a lawyer's mouth without a fee." Barton Holyday. "The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing." Will Rogers. "A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong; they should have killed him because he was a lawyer." Whitney Brown. "No brilliance is required in law, just common sense and relatively clean fingernails." John Mortimer. "Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish." Ted Whitehead. "An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer." Evelle Younger. "A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats." Benjamin Franklin.

Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/ "My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more." Walter Matthau. "Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." Samuel Goldwyn. "A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy." Joan Rivers. "She got her looks from her father: He's a plastic surgeon." Groucho Marx (...more Groucho Marx Quotes). "No-one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish." Kin Hubbard. "First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me." Steve Martin. "Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down." Dick Sharples. "I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge." Spike Milligan (...more Spike Milligan Quotes). "A psychiatrist is a man who goes to a strip club and watches the audience." Merv Stockwood. "I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?" Paul Merton.

Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/ "Don't tell my mother I work in an advertising agency; she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse." Jacques Seguela. "What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public." Vilhjalmur Stefansson. "Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it." Will Rogers. "So long as there's a jingle in your head, television isn't free." Jason Love. "In general, my children refused to eat anything that hadn't danced on TV." Erma Bombeck. "The trouble with us in America isn't that the poetry of life has turned to prose, but that it has turned to advertising copy." Louis Kronenberger. "It is our job to make women unhappy with what they have." B. Earl Puckett. "It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper." R. Serling. "Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket." George Orwell. "I have... had a disturbing dream in which I break through a cave wall near Nag Hammadi and discover urns full of ancient Coptic scrolls. As I unfurl the first scroll, a subscription card to some Gnostic exercise magazine flutters out." Colin McEnroe.

Most companies these days use a performance management process that is based on objectives. As I’ve complained before, I’m not a big fan of this approach. It’s very difficult to make it work, and seems too heavyweight for me. There’s got to be an easier way. That said, let’s face facts. If you work in a company that has more than 200 employees and you’re not in charge, you’re not going to change the appraisal process. If you want to be successful, you’ve got to play well within the performance appraisal system or be passed over. That’s just one of the sad facts of life in corporate IT. Sorry. Most performance management processes include a self-appraisal. This is your estimation of your performance and helps guide your boss’s thinking as she does her part of the review. Most people treat the self-appraisal as kind of a diary of the work they did through the year. This approach is a mistake because it doesn’t help you create an influential brand for yourself that will stick in the mind of your boss. You need to use the appraisal process to influence your boss to think about you in terms of the key capabilities/attributes you have that make you special and effective. What does that mean though? Does it mean you write a book at the end of the year, detailing every good thing you did throughout 2006? What about every mistake you made? Do you treat the performance review process like a court case, where you’re trying to “prove” you belong in the top 10%? My experience is that this almost always backfires. There are two aspects to the performance review process, and most people neglect one of them. First, there is the written appraisal. It’s the least important aspect, but if neglected can really screw you up. Second, is the perception of your actual performance. How do people think you performed, regardless of what your self-appraisal says? If the two don’t jive, it won’t matter what you write. A self-appraisal must reinforce the beliefs others already have about you or it will be discounted. If you write about what a great communicator you are, but people see you as a person who rambles on pointlessly or is irrationally negative, then forget about getting credit for communicating well. You won’t, because you don’t. The first step in WRITING a self-appraisal is PERFORMING a self-appraisal. What are you good at? What situations are you best suited for? What stresses you out the most? When are you most afraid you will fail? When do you feel most confident? What do people compliment you for? What sort of situations do your co-workers seem least interested in working with you? Ask these questions of yourself and others. Don’t be a defensive jerk about it. Just gather the data and think about it. Then make a list, focusing on two things: strengths and weaknesses. This list is the beginning of your self-appraisal. Check your list of strengths and weakness against the facts. Did they come into play in the work you did? How? Write this down in your self-appraisal. If you think you have strengths that never got an opportunity to be put in the game, note them. You’ll use them in the last section: desired opportunities. Don’t go overboard with examples to support your strengths/weaknesses claims. Pick the most glaring successes and failures and describe them in terms of how your attributes made them turn out the way they did. By this point you’ve probably asked yourself whether it’s really a good idea to discuss your weakness and how they contributed to failures openly. Won’t this lower your rating/ranking/whatever? Perhaps. I suggest you make up your mind now that you won’t give a crap about it. Incomes go up every year, for the mostpart. Some go up slowly, some go up quickly. Hiding your weaknesses might help you with short-term gains, but in the long term failing to own up to them and overcome them will hurt your income potential far more than disguising them. Besides, I’ve found it is ALWAYS better to discuss your failures on your own terms than on someone else’s. Address them pre-emptively. You can influence your boss’s perception of your failures more than you might think. Okay, so now you have two sections of the self-appraisal: strengths, with examples. Weaknesses, with examples. Now you’re ready for the next section: desired opportunities. What situations will give you a chance to demonstrate heretofore unused strengths and abilities? What steps can you take to learn about and improve weaknesses? Once you’ve improved them, what opportunities do you need to demonstrate that you’re better? Write it down. Then hand it to your spouse or someone else who loves you but isn’t afraid to laugh at you. Listen to what they have to say, then change it up. Then, turn it in. Don’t obsess about it anymore. You’re done. Source:http://www.techdarkside.com

Dear Bureau Pat: 

My performance appraisal is coming up and my immediate supervisor has provided limited feedback about my performance to date.  What's worse is that she clearly does not like me on a personal level.  I hope that she will be impartial and evaluate my performance objectively, but I fear this will not be the case.  Is there anything I can do?

Dear Nerved Up:

Fortunately for you, you're a federal employee and firing you takes major work.  So you've got nothing to worry about.  Sit back, relax, and revel in the fact that the easiest way to get rid of you is through a promotion!

Bureau Pat has been in a similar situation. My SES (Senior Executive Service) supervisor wore her title with unchecked hubris and was hostile to anyone who questioned her methods and decisions.  Prior to my review, I had little information about my performance.  Going into her office game day, all I truly knew was that we disliked each other.  

Good supervisors provide ongoing feedback and don't let personality interfere with their objectivity. Many of us are fortunate to work for such people.  For situations like the ones you and I encountered, some strategy is required.

First, it's important to understand your work environment and your supervisor. Are there other stressors happening around you which might be upsetting your boss?  If so, is it possible these stressors keep her in a lousy mood which you misinterpret as her distaste for you?  

If not, and you find yourself in a toxic situation, you need to take some initiative. Approach your supervisor and see if there are any hot button issues she would like help with.  You have two goals here: diffusing a personality clash and promoting yourself as a team player and hard worker prior to your review.

Begin documenting every encounter with your supervisor, as they will be useful in the future - even if it's just to show friends what an ass she is.  If you have not been documenting communications - electronic and oral - start now; it's never too late to buy some spy gear or at the least, keep some email hardcopies in a folder marked CYA for a rainy day. 

If your supervisor likes to give you instructions verbally, reiterate those instructions along with a progress update in meeting her requests over email. Doing so creates a record.  

At least a day before your review, look over your performance objectives for the year and prepare for your meeting.  This should be done on government time, but not while your boss is lurking.  Make sure you can articulate your achievements with meaningful results.  For example, "Workplace morale improved 20% from last year after I led the effort to improve communications within my division."  See how easy that was? 

While you're listing your achievements, prepare a list of questions for your supervisor.  After all, a performance review should be a dialogue, not a soliloquy. 

Questions should be direct and get her on record about your performance so there won't be any surprises on your written review.  Don't be afraid to ask plainly how she feels you're doing, if you've failed to meet any of your objectives, and most importantly, how she feels you can improve.

Be prepared to address and listen to constructive or destructive criticism and have an appropriate response ready for every type of negative input.  But, and I mean BUT; never fall into the trap of engaging in an argument with such a boss. Doing so will only hurt your chances for a good review.  And keep your cool.  If you lose composure, the review will quickly turn from conversation to debate to a nonverbal hate-fest.  You don't want that, but it's OK to defend yourself with examples of successes.  Just avoid being defensive and argumentative.  

Here are two different ways to respond to criticism; one is the right way and one is the wrong way. 

Supervisor: I've been disappointed with the timeliness of your work and feel you have had a hard time meeting deadlines.

Wrong Response:  I think that's completely unfair.  I never miss deadlines.  You're confusing me with Joe.  That guy never gets anything done without me riding his back.

Correct Response: Really, that's terrible; I never of thought of myself that way.  I don't remember missing any deadlines but perhaps I overlooked something.  Can you give me an example of a deadline I missed? 

Naturally, during the review you should be taking copious notes.  You may even want to record the conversation. People tend to alter what they "said" during a written review later on.

If you get a fair evaluation, good!  If not, then there are steps that you will take to seek relief which I will address in the future.  One of them is tacks on the seat.  It won't get your raise back, but it will sure make for a funny story to tell over beers.

Source: www.ohmygov.com

---

I have felt that my boss has been out to get me for about a couple of years.  I have been feeling this way because she is treating me the exact same way that she has treated at least four other people in my department, all of whom have since left, either finding new jobs or retiring. Basically, she finds something she doesn't like about you and then does everything she can to make your life miserable until you leave.

In my case, I think I became too well respected. I have become very well known as the go to guy for solutions for all kinds of problems. As such I have gotten to know some people in very high places within our organization and I think my boss may be jealous of that.

Sometime last year my boss set a deadline on a project that way much too short. I was the technical lead on the project, but she did not consult me in determining the deadline and she allowed the clients to dictate technical parameters without my consultation as well. We basically ended up with a project plan that was nearly impossible to implement and definitely impossible to do in the time allotted. When I called her on this her reply was "do whatever it takes."

Meanwhile I was assigned to a second project. From the start it was clear that the client wanted to use external resources to complete this project, but they came to us to be politically correct. On this project communication from the project manager was non existent and tasks were always assigned to me, ambiguously, at the last minute so I frequently missed impossible deadlines.

The two projects took up more than 100% of my time and I found myself working most nights and weekends to "do whatever it takes." I was also told not to take on any tasks other than those related to the two projects, so anyone coming to be for special help had to be turned away.

A couple months in to the second project the client decided to go to the outside agency they had originally wanted to use and I was taken off the project. Thios was explained to me as the client simply "choosing to go another direction" and as "being a good thing" because it would allow me to devote more time to the first project.

After the deadline on the first project passed my boss brought in a temp employee, a recent college grad, to help me out. Unfortunately, instead of collaborating with me my boss seemed to have him compete against me. Any time I had a problem I was instructed to "talk to Joe" (name changed to protect the guilty) because to my boss Joe was the expert. The manner in which my boss defered me to Joe was very belittiling and, rather than showing me how to do things, Joe would simply take them over. For that reason I tried to avoid discussing problems with anyone and struggled to always solve them myself.

In solving one problem that he took over, Joe decided the best course of action was to completly recode the entire project. Since all of the logic was already in place it was fairly easy to do and he finished it in about two weeks. Unfortuantelty no one bothered to tell me that he was doing that! I continued working on the original project not knowing about this parallel development. When I finally got the new project from Joe, I found that he had written sloppy, hard to follow code that had absolutely no comments. He had also failed to include several features of the project that I had previously completed and coded several other features in disagreement with the clients' strict spec. I basically had to spend three or four weeks redoing things I had previously completed and fixing Joe's mistakes. My boss grew impatient and would not listen to anything I had to say about how poorly handled everything was.

The project finally went to the clients for their review. I've heard they now want changes, but they haven't sent them to us yet. Meanwhile, I just got my annual appraisal and it was not good. My boss criticized my lack of communication and unwillingness to consult with Joe about my problems, though she said nothing about her huge lack of communication concerning the parrallel development that she allowed to happen. She also zinged me on the second project saying that the client had "no confidence" in my ability to complete in, a phrase that was never mentioned when I was told the client was going to an agency.

I am currently looking for a new job, but I obviously need to continue working for my current boss until I find one. I want to dispute my boss' allegations, but I'm not sure how to do it. I considered having a meeting with my boss and an HR rep, but then I realized that (and confirmed with colleages) that my boss has been manipulating me for years so that she could "win" in that situation. Basically, on good appraisals she always adds "but you need some improvement on A, B, and C." On a positive review you write them off as bits of advice and adjust you habits to improve. The highlighted areas change year-by-year, but there is always some overlap so that she can establish a consistent pattern. The she hits you with a bad appraisal and, when you go to HR she argues that the issues are part of an ongoing problem that you have been repeatedly warned about.

I also considered going to out newly assigned ombudsperson, who is supposed to be an advocate for the employee in these kinds of situations, but the ombudsperson is married to the project manager of the second project who I happen to blame for most of the issues on that project, but who my boss thinks is absolutely spectacular, so I don't think I'm comfortable going that route either.

So, aside from hoping I get a new job offer very soon, what can I possibly do? I don't feel that I have been treated fair at all, but I also feel that all of the mechanisms in place for me to air my grievance will screw me over even more. Any advice?

Thanks in advance.

To ten excuses- If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work: 10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to." 8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white-out. You probably got here just in time!" 7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm." 6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance." 5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?" 4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 3. "The coffee machine is broken..." 2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..." And the #1 excuse to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk. 1. " ...... AMEN!" source: http://miteshasher.blogspot.com

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!" There, on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. A union negotiator broke the silence in the room. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!" source: http://miteshasher.blogspot.com

1. Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves. Ten were laid off 2. Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate 3. Iron man now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs. 4. The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now America's third biggest lender. source: http://miteshasher.blogspot.com

A banker calls in an oilman to review his loans. "We loaned you a million to revive your old wells, and they went dry." says the banker. "Coulda been worse." "Then we loaned you a million to drill new wells, and they were dry." "Coulda been worse." "Then we loaned you another million for new drilling equipment, and it broke down." "Coulda been worse." "I'm getting tired of hearing that!" snaps the banker. "How could it have been worse?" "Coulda been my money," says the oilman.

Well, I was thinking about re-entering the work force but gave that up after trying a new job. Man, they were so strict at that job that I had to quit.It was constantly: "No personal calls." "Don't surf the web." "Put your pants back on." I mean, who can work in an environment like that? http://miteshasher.blogspot.com/

In line with our constitution and to eliminate discrimination in our society, the following titles will now be used for these jobs: Garden Boy - Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist House Maid - Family Environs Upkeep Manager Typist - Printed Document Handler Messenger - Business Communications Conveyer Window Cleaner - A Transparent Wall Technician Tea Boy - Refreshments Overseer Garbage Collector - Public Sanitation Technicians Watchman - Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer or Wealth Distribution Prevention Officer Prostitute - Practical Sexual Relations Demonstrator Thief - Wealth Distribution Officer Receptionist - Office Access Control Specialist Cook - Food Preparation Officer Office Orderly - Office Administration Facilitator Cleaner - Office Hygiene Control Specialist Source: http://miteshasher.blogspot.com

The history of performance appraisal is quite brief. Its roots in the early 20th century can be traced to Taylor's pioneering Time and Motion studies. But this is not very helpful, for the same may be said about almost everything in the field of modern human resources management. As a distinct and formal management procedure used in the evaluation of work performance, appraisal really dates from the time of the Second World War - not more than 60 years ago. Yet in a broader sense, the practice of appraisal is a very ancient art. In the scale of things historical, it might well lay claim to being the world's second oldest profession! There is, says Dulewicz (1989), "... a basic human tendency to make judgements about those one is working with, as well as about oneself." Appraisal, it seems, is both inevitable and universal. In the absence of a carefully structured system of appraisal, people will tend to judge the work performance of others, including subordinates, naturally, informally and arbitrarily. The human inclination to judge can create serious motivational, ethical and legal problems in the workplace. Without a structured appraisal system, there is little chance of ensuring that the judgements made will be lawful, fair, defensible and accurate. Performance appraisal systems began as simple methods of income justification. That is, appraisal was used to decide whether or not the salary or wage of an individual employee was justified. The process was firmly linked to material outcomes. If an employee's performance was found to be less than ideal, a cut in pay would follow. On the other hand, if their performance was better than the supervisor expected, a pay rise was in order. Little consideration, if any, was given to the developmental possibilities of appraisal. If was felt that a cut in pay, or a rise, should provide the only required impetus for an employee to either improve or continue to perform well. Sometimes this basic system succeeded in getting the results that were intended; but more often than not, it failed. For example, early motivational researchers were aware that different people with roughly equal work abilities could be paid the same amount of money and yet have quite different levels of motivation and performance. These observations were confirmed in empirical studies. Pay rates were important, yes; but they were not the only element that had an impact on employee performance. It was found that other issues, such as morale and self-esteem, could also have a major influence. As a result, the traditional emphasis on reward outcomes was progressively rejected. In the 1950s in the United States, the potential usefulness of appraisal as tool for motivation and development was gradually recognized. The general model of performance appraisal, as it is known today, began from that time. Modern Appraisal Performance appraisal may be defined as a structured formal interaction between a subordinate and supervisor, that usually takes the form of a periodic interview (annual or semi-annual), in which the work performance of the subordinate is examined and discussed, with a view to identifying weaknesses and strengths as well as opportunities for improvement and skills development. In many organizations - but not all - appraisal results are used, either directly or indirectly, to help determine reward outcomes. That is, the appraisal results are used to identify the better performing employees who should get the majority of available merit pay increases, bonuses, and promotions. By the same token, appraisal results are used to identify the poorer performers who may require some form of counseling, or in extreme cases, demotion, dismissal or decreases in pay. (Organizations need to be aware of laws in their country that might restrict their capacity to dismiss employees or decrease pay.) Whether this is an appropriate use of performance appraisal - the assignment and justification of rewards and penalties - is a very uncertain and contentious matter. Controversy, Controversy Few issues in management stir up more controversy than performance appraisal. There are many reputable sources - researchers, management commentators, psychometricians - who have expressed doubts about the validity and reliability of the performance appraisal process. Some have even suggested that the process is so inherently flawed that it may be impossible to perfect it (see Derven, 1990, for example). At the other extreme, there are many strong advocates of performance appraisal. Some view it as potentially "... the most crucial aspect of organizational life" (Lawrie, 1990). Between these two extremes lie various schools of belief. While all endorse the use of performance appraisal, there are many different opinions on how and when to apply it. There are those, for instance, who believe that performance appraisal has many important employee development uses, but scorn any attempt to link the process to reward outcomes - such as pay rises and promotions. This group believes that the linkage to reward outcomes reduces or eliminates the developmental value of appraisals. Rather than an opportunity for constructive review and encouragement, the reward-linked process is perceived as judgmental, punitive and harrowing. For example, how many people would gladly admit their work problems if, at the same time, they knew that their next pay rise or a much-wanted promotion was riding on an appraisal result? Very likely, in that situation, many people would deny or downplay their weaknesses. Nor is the desire to distort or deny the truth confined to the person being appraised. Many appraisers feel uncomfortable with the combined role of judge and executioner. Such reluctance is not difficult to understand. Appraisers often know their appraisees well, and are typically in a direct subordinate-supervisor relationship. They work together on a daily basis and may, at times, mix socially. Suggesting that a subordinate needs to brush up on certain work skills is one thing; giving an appraisal result that has the direct effect of negating a promotion is another. The result can be resentment and serious morale damage, leading to workplace disruption, soured relationships and productivity declines. On the other hand, there is a strong rival argument which claims that performance appraisal must unequivocally be linked to reward outcomes. The advocates of this approach say that organizations must have a process by which rewards - which are not an unlimited resource - may be openly and fairly distributed to those most deserving on the basis of merit, effort and results. There is a critical need for remunerative justice in organizations. Performance appraisal - whatever its practical flaws - is the only process available to help achieve fair, decent and consistent reward outcomes. It has also been claimed that appraisees themselves are inclined to believe that appraisal results should be linked directly to reward outcomes - and are suspicious and disappointed when told this is not the case. Rather than feeling relieved, appraisees may suspect that they are not being told the whole truth, or that the appraisal process is a sham and waste of time. The Link to Rewards Research (Bannister & Balkin, 1990) has reported that appraisees seem to have greater acceptance of the appraisal process, and feel more satisfied with it, when the process is directly linked to rewards. Such findings are a serious challenge to those who feel that appraisal results and reward outcomes must be strictly isolated from each other. There is also a group who argues that the evaluation of employees for reward purposes, and frank communication with them about their performance, are part of the basic responsibilities of management. The practice of not discussing reward issues while appraising performance is, say critics, based on inconsistent and muddled ideas of motivation. In many organizations, this inconsistency is aggravated by the practice of having separate wage and salary reviews, in which merit rises and bonuses are decided arbitrarily, and often secretly, by supervisors and managers. Source: Archer North Associates

(1) Tell me what you want me to do (2) Tell me how well I have done it (3) Help me improve my performance (4) Reward me for doing well.

Organizational Viewpoint From the organization's viewpoint, one of the most important reasons for having a system of performance appraisal is to establish and uphold the principle of accountability. For decades it has been known to researchers that one of the chief causes of organizational failure is "non-alignment of responsibility and accountability." Non-alignment occurs where employees are given responsibilities and duties, but are not held accountable for the way in which those responsibilities and duties are performed. What typically happens is that several individuals or work units appear to have overlapping roles. The overlap allows - indeed actively encourages - each individual or business unit to "pass the buck" to the others. Ultimately, in the severely non-aligned system, no one is accountable for anything. In this event, the principle of accountability breaks down completely. Organizational failure is the only possible outcome. In cases where the non-alignment is not so severe, the organization may continue to function, albeit inefficiently. Like a poorly made or badly tuned engine, the non-aligned organization may run, but it will be sluggish, costly and unreliable. One of the principal aims of performance appraisal is to make people accountable. The objective is to align responsibility and accountability at every organizational level. Source:  Archer North Associates

Just opened my account.

Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/ A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/ A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied "I'm going to Las Vegas." He questioned her as to why she was going and she told him "I just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I give you for free". He pondered that then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porch and with his wife. She said "And just where do you think you're going?" "I'm going too!!" he replied. "Why?" She asked. "I want to see how you are going to live on $800.00 a year"!

Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/ Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called. Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table. During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm. Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming. Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it. Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room. Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points. When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.) Complain loudly that your neighbour won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it. Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"

From the Sunday Times: The rise of the open-plan office and its associated lack of personal space has made co-workers' irritating habits all the more obvious. And when workers get stressed or tired, pet peeves such a loud phone call or the resident David Brent character can build up the stress levels and turn even the most reasonable employee into a human landmine. ... When British workers were asked in a survey by online jobs site Monster UK & Ireland, what irritated them most about their job, their colleagues emerged as the main cause of annoyance. Co-workers with shrill mobile phone ringtones, colleagues who never offer to make the tea or do the coffee run, and those who eat curries or other smelly foods at their desks make the blood boil, the survey showed. A separate poll in America conducted in October for global recruitment firm Randstand, found that gossip topped the list of pet peeves in the workplace at 60%, followed by others; poor time management skills at 54%, and messiness in communal spaces at 45%. The other pet peeves among the 2,318 employees surveyed were potent scents at 42%, loud noises at 41%, overuse of personal digital assistants / phones in meetings at 28%, and forwarding unnecessary e-mails at 22%. ... The problem can be compounded by the likelihood that a colleague is not even aware of their annoying habits, whether it be speaking loudly on a mobile phone while strutting up and down the office, or slurping soup at their desk, according to employment expert Rowan Manahan, MD of Fortify Services and author of Where's My Oasis. "Each time we put a person on camera for the first time in preparation for media interviews or to advance their presentation skills, 95% of them are shocked when they review the tape at how they sound, how they look and, most of all, at their vocal or physical mannerisms," said Manahan. He also agrees that Irish workers find it difficult to muster enough assertiveness to confront irritating colleagues. "Irish people are just not good at firmly saying, 'That is not acceptable,'" he said. ... Workers are often loath to confront annoying colleagues about their habits in case it creates a tense atmosphere or prompts them to seek retribution. Occupational psychologists advise first weighing up how crucial it is to discuss the issue with the coworker and to what extent their behaviour is affecting productivity in the office. ... Just 8% said they would address the office gossip issue with their boss, while 41% said they would do nothing. Talking shop: A US survey found that 60% of employees were annoyed by gossip, but only 8% said they would raise it with the boss. Recognise Anybody? These are just some of the messages that over 130,000 around the world have posted on annoyingworker.com in an effort to let off steam with their colleagues: • Why is it that you feel the need to run your electric razor across your face for five minutes every day? This is an office, not your bathroom. And at least clean the shavings off your desk when somebody comes in to talk to you. • Putting on perfume of smelly lotion should not be a substiute for a shower, especially for a few days in a row. PS: Get some good dandruff shampoo and wash your hair. • Must you start eating as soon as you get here? You chew like an infant.

Invariably the needs arises in performance appraisal to provide an employee with less than flattering feedback. The skill and sensitivity used to handle these often difficult sessions is critical. If the appraisee accepts the negative feedback and resolves to improve, all is well. But if the result is an angry or hurt employee, then the process of correction has failed. The performance of an employee in such cases is unlikely to improve and may deteriorate even further. Self-Auditing According to Krein (1990), appraisers should not confront employees directly with criticism. Rather, they should aim to let the evidence of poor performance emerge "naturally" during the course of the appraisal interview. This is done by way of open-ended questioning techniques that encourage the employee to identify their own performance problems. Instead of blunt statements or accusations, the appraisers should encourage an employee to talk freely about their own impressions of their performance. For example, consider the case of employee who has had too many absent days. The appraiser, in accusatory mode, might say: "Your attendance record is unacceptable. You'll have to improve it." A better way to handle this might be to say: "Your attendance record shows that you had 7 days off work in 6 months. What can you tell me about this?" The technique is to calmly present the evidence (resisting the temptation to label it as good or bad) and then invite the employee to comment. In many cases, with just a gentle nudge from the appraiser here and there, an employee with problems will admit that weaknesses do exist. This is much more likely when an employee does not feel accused of anything, nor forced to make admissions that they do not wish to make. If an appraiser can get an employee to the stage of voluntary admission, half the battle is won. The technique described by Krein is a type of self-auditing, since it encourages the employee to confront themselves with their own work and performance issues. The technique is useful because it is more likely to promote discussion and agreement on the need for change. Confrontation techniques that rely on "charge and counter-charge" tend to promote adversarialism - and that leads to denial and resentment. Ownership of Problems Perhaps the most powerful aspect of the self-auditing process is that employees are more willing generally to accept personal "ownership" of problems that have been self-identified. This sense of ownership provides an effective basis for stimulating change and development. (Some would argue that it provides the only basis.) Nevertheless there are individuals who will not admit to anything that appears to reflect poorly on them. With ego defences on full-alert, they will resist the process of self-auditing very strongly. In such cases, appraisers may have no choice but to confront the poor performer directly and firmly with the evidence they have. Sometimes the shock of direct confrontation will result in the employee admitting that they do need to make improvements. But sometimes it will just make their denial of the problem worse. In providing any feedback - especially negative feedback - appraisers should be willing and able to support their opinions with specific and clear examples. Vague generalizations should be avoided. The focus should be on job-related behaviors and attitudes. If a specific observation cannot be supported by clear evidence, or touches on issues that are not job-related, it may be best to exclude all mention of it. Appraisers must carefully scrutinize their own perceptions, motives and prejudices. Source: Archer North and Associates

Perhaps the most significant benefit of appraisal is that, in the rush and bustle of daily working life, it offers a rare chance for a supervisor and subordinate to have "time out" for a one-on-one discussion of important work issues that might not otherwise be addressed. Almost universally, where performance appraisal is conducted properly, both supervisors and subordinates have reported the experience as beneficial and positive. Appraisal offers a valuable opportunity to focus on work activities and goals, to identify and correct existing problems, and to encourage better future performance. Thus the performance of the whole organization is enhanced. For many employees, an "official" appraisal interview may be the only time they get to have exclusive, uninterrupted access to their supervisor. Said one employee of a large organization after his first formal performance appraisal, "In twenty years of work, that's the first time anyone has ever bothered to sit down and tell me how I'm doing." The value of this intense and purposeful interaction between a supervisors and subordinate should not be underestimated. Motivation and Satisfaction Performance appraisal can have a profound effect on levels of employee motivation and satisfaction - for better as well as for worse. Performance appraisal provides employees with recognition for their work efforts. The power of social recognition as an incentive has been long noted. In fact, there is evidence that human beings will even prefer negative recognition in preference to no recognition at all. If nothing else, the existence of an appraisal program indicates to an employee that the organization is genuinely interested in their individual performance and development. This alone can have a positive influence on the individual's sense of worth, commitment and belonging. The strength and prevalence of this natural human desire for individual recognition should not be overlooked. Absenteeism and turnover rates in some organizations might be greatly reduced if more attention were paid to it. Regular performance appraisal, at least, is a good start. Training and Development Performance appraisal offers an excellent opportunity - perhaps the best that will ever occur - for a supervisor and subordinate to recognize and agree upon individual training and development needs. During the discussion of an employee's work performance, the presence or absence of work skills can become very obvious - even to those who habitually reject the idea of training for them! Performance appraisal can make the need for training more pressing and relevant by linking it clearly to performance outcomes and future career aspirations. From the point of view of the organization as a whole, consolidated appraisal data can form a picture of the overall demand for training. This data may be analysed by variables such as sex, department, etc. In this respect, performance appraisal can provide a regular and efficient training needs audit for the entire organization. Recruitment and Induction Appraisal data can be used to monitor the success of the organization's recruitment and induction practices. For example, how well are the employees performing who were hired in the past two years? Appraisal data can also be used to monitor the effectiveness of changes in recruitment strategies. By following the yearly data related to new hires (and given sufficient numbers on which to base the analysis) it is possible to assess whether the general quality of the workforce is improving, staying steady, or declining. Employee Evaluation Though often understated or even denied, evaluation is a legitimate and major objective of performance appraisal. But the need to evaluate (i.e., to judge) is also an ongoing source of tension, since evaluative and developmental priorities appear to frequently clash. Yet at its most basic level, performance appraisal is the process of examining and evaluating the performance of an individual. Though organizations have a clear right - some would say a duty - to conduct such evaluations of performance, many still recoil from the idea. To them, the explicit process of judgement can be dehumanizing and demoralizing and a source of anxiety and distress to employees. It is been said by some that appraisal cannot serve the needs of evaluation and development at the same time; it must be one or the other. But there may be an acceptable middle ground, where the need to evaluate employees objectively, and the need to encourage and develop them, can be balanced. Source: Archer North Associates

In a landmark study, Locher & Teel (1977) found that the three most common appraisal methods in general use are rating scales (56%), essay methods (25%) and results- oriented or MBO methods (13%). For a description of each, follow the button links on the left. Certain techniques in performance appraisal have been thoroughly investigated, and some have been found to yield better results than others. Encourage Discussion Research studies show that employees are likely to feel more satisfied with their appraisal result if they have the chance to talk freely and discuss their performance. It is also more likely that such employees will be better able to meet future performance goals. (e.g., Nemeroff & Wexley, 1979). Employees are also more likely to feel that the appraisal process is fair if they are given a chance to talk about their performance. This especially so when they are permitted to challenge and appeal against their evaluation. (Greenberg, 1986). Constructive Intention It is very important that employees recognize that negative appraisal feedback is provided with a constructive intention, i.e., to help them overcome present difficulties and to improve their future performance. Employees will be less anxious about criticism, and more likely to find it useful, when the believe that the appraiser's intentions are helpful and constructive. (Fedor et al., 1989) In contrast, other studies (e.g., Baron, 1988) have reported that "destructive criticism" - which is vague, ill-informed, unfair or harshly presented - will lead to problems such as anger, resentment, tension and workplace conflict, as well as increased resistance to improvement, denial of problems, and poorer performance. Set Performance Goals It has been shown in numerous studies that goal-setting is an important element in employee motivation. Goals can stimulate employee effort, focus attention, increase persistence, and encourage employees to find new and better ways to work. (e.g., Locke,et al., 1981) The useful of goals as a stimulus to human motivation is one of the best supported theories in management. It is also quite clear that goals which are "...specific, difficult and accepted by employees will lead to higher levels of performance than easy, vague goals (such as do your best) or no goals at all." (Harris & DiSimone, 1994) Appraiser Credibility It is important that the appraiser (usually the employee's supervisor) be well-informed and credible. Appraisers should feel comfortable with the techniques of appraisal, and should be knowledgeable about the employee's job and performance. When these conditions exist, employees are more likely to view the appraisal process as accurate and fair. They also express more acceptance of the appraiser's feedback and a greater willingness to change. (Bannister, 1986) Source : Archer North & Associates

Where performance appraisal fails to work as well as it should, lack of support from the top levels of management is often cited as a major contributing reason. Opposition may be based on political motives, or more simply, on ignorance or disbelief in the effectiveness of the appraisal process. It is crucial that top management believe in the value of appraisal and express their visible commitment to it. Top managers are powerful role models for other managers and employees. Those attempting to introduce performance appraisal, or even to reform an existing system, must be acutely aware of the importance of political issues and symbolism in the success of such projects. Fear of Failure There is a stubborn suspicion among many appraisers that a poor appraisal result tends to reflect badly upon them also, since they are usually the employee's supervisor. Many appraisers have a vested interest in making their subordinates "look good" on paper. When this problem exists (and it can be found in many organizations), it may point to a problem in the organization culture. The cause may be a culture that is intolerant of failure. In other words, appraisers may fear the possibility of repercussions - both for themselves and the appraisee. Longenecker (1989) argues that accuracy in performance appraisal is impossible to achieve, since people play social and political games, and they protect their own interests. "No savvy manager...", says Longenecker, "... is going to use the appraisal process to shoot himself or herself in the foot." No matter what safeguards are in place, "... when you turn managers loose in the real world, they consciously fudge the numbers." What Longenecker is saying is that appraisers will, for all sorts of reasons, deliberately distort the evaluations that they give to employees. Indeed, surveys have shown that not only do many managers admit to a little fudging, they actually defend it as a tactic necessary for effective management. The fudging motives of appraisers have, at times, a certain plausibility. For instance, a supervisor who has given an overly generous appraisal to a marginal performer might claim that their 'legitimate' motive was the hope of encouraging a better performance. On the other hand, fudging motives can be a lot less admirable and sometimes devious: the appraiser who fudges to avoid the possibility of an unpleasant confrontation, the appraiser who fudges to hide employee difficulties from senior managers, the appraiser who fudges in order to punish or reward employees. Judgement Aversion Many people have a natural reluctance to "play judge" and create a permanent record which may affect an employee's future career. This is the case especially where there may be a need to make negative appraisal remarks. Training in the techniques of constructive evaluation (such as self-auditing) may help. Appraisers need to recognize that problems left unchecked could ultimately cause more harm to an employee's career than early detection and correction. Organizations might consider the confidential archiving of appraisal records more than, say, three years old. Feedback-Seeking Larson (1989) has described a social game played by poor performers. Many supervisors will recognize the game at once and may have been its victims. The game is called feedback-seeking. It occurs where a poor performing employee regularly seeks informal praise from his or her supervisor at inappropriate moments. Often the feedback-seeker will get the praise they want, since they choose the time and place to ask for it. In effect, they "ambush" the supervisor by seeking feedback at moments when the supervisor is unable or unprepared to give them a full and proper answer, or in settings that are inappropriate for a frank assessment. The supervisor may feel "put on the spot", but will often provide a few encouraging words of support. The game seems innocent enough until appraisal time comes around. Then the supervisor will find that the employee recalls, with perfect clarity, every casual word of praise ever spoken! This places the supervisor in a difficult bind. Either the supervisor lied when giving the praise, or least, misled the employee into thinking that their performance was acceptable (in fact, this is the argument that feedback-seekers will often make). The aim of the game is that the feedback- seeker wants to deflect responsibility for their own poor performance. They also seek to bolster their appraisal rating by bringing in all the "evidence" of casual praise. Very often the feedback seeker will succeed in making the supervisor feel at least partly responsible. As a result, their appraisal result may be upgraded. Was the supervisor partly responsible? Not really. The truth of the matter is that they have been "blackmailed" by a subtle social game. But like most social games, the play depends on the unconscious participation of both sides. Making supervisors aware of the game is usually sufficient to stop it. They must learn to say, when asked for casual praise, "I can't talk about it now... but see me in my office later." This puts the supervisor back in control of the appraisal process. Appraiser Preparation The bane of any performance appraisal system is the appraiser who wants to "play it by ear". Such attitudes should be actively discouraged by stressing the importance and technical challenge of good performance appraisal. Perhaps drawing their attention to the contents of this web site, for example, may help them to see the critical issues that must be considered. Employee Participation Employees should participate with their supervisors in the creation of their own performance goals and development plans. Mutual agreement is a key to success. A plan wherein the employee feels some degree of ownership is more likely to be accepted than one that is imposed. This does not mean that employees do not desire guidance from their supervisor; indeed they very much do. Performance Management One of the most common mistakes in the practice of performance appraisal is to perceive appraisal as an isolated event rather than an ongoing process. Employees generally require more feedback, and more frequently, than can be provided in an annual appraisal. While it may not be necessary to conduct full appraisal sessions more than once or twice a year, performance management should be viewed as an ongoing process. Frequent mini-appraisals and feedback sessions will help ensure that employees receive the ongoing guidance, support and encouragement they need. Of course many supervisors complain they don't have the time to provide this sort of ongoing feedback. This is hardly likely. What supervisors really mean when they say this is that the supervision and development of subordinates is not as high a priority as certain other tasks. In this case, the organization may need to review the priorities and values that it has instilled in its supervisory ranks. After all, supervisors who haven't got time to monitor and facilitate the performance of their subordinates are like chefs who haven't got time to cook, or dentists who are too busy to look at teeth. It just doesn't make sense. If appraisal is viewed as an isolated event, it is only natural that supervisors will come to view their responsibilities in the same way. Just as worrying, employees may come to see their own effort and commitment levels as something that needs a bit of a polish up in the month or two preceding appraisals. Source: Archer North Associates

In your home office, do you find yourself buried by clutter? Do you feel unorganized and don’t know what to do to get organized? You’re not alone. Working from home can present unique challenges. Filing systems, both digital and tactile, are things that must be conquered early on in order to maintain and keep yourself productive. I can hear your thinking now, “HOW to I go about doing THAT?”. Let’s discuss. Having a filing system for paper is a key element in any office structure. But my suggestion to you would be to try to keep the paper flow to a minimum. Scan and digitally file documents that can be handled that way. For some of us, it is much easier to have documents accessible in digital format rather than having to search through paper files. Scanning can assist us in becoming free of the clutter of paper. But, (there is always a “but”) if you take all your data to digital format, be prepared to back up, and back up often. There are many services online that you can use to back up your important files. The one that I have been using for the longest time is Mozy. It allows unlimited backup for only $4.95 a month and has a “Home” version as well as a “Pro” version. There is also a “free” version that allows 3GB of space. Mozy is dependable and can be configured to back up anything on your computer. You can schedule your backups to occur daily or weekly: it’s completely up to you. Mozy runs in the background and silently backs sp a the times that you have designated. Going digital is a great way for getting out from under your clutter. In my next article, we’ll discuss what to do with those paper files that you must keep! Source : Home Office Warrior

Being a Home Office Warrior comes with a lot of wonderful perks like flexible schedules, being your own boss and more.  But what many of us fail to share is that it can also come with a feeling of being alone, lack of motivation and fear.  Of course, traditional careers come with all of that too, but when you’re working for someone else, staying employed tends to motivate you when these type of situations arise.  When you’re self-employed , sometimes fear of failure can motivate, but it can also be paralyzing. We’ve all been there. We may call it anything from writers block to being stuck in a rut, but no matter what you want to call it, you’re going to need to do something to get past it.  Everyone is different, so I can’t say what will work for you, but I’d like to share the two things that I do when I feel paralyzed in any way.

I learn something new.

If you know what’s holding you back, find a book, blog or video by someone who obviously know what it takes to solve your dilemma.  For example,  a few months ago I didn’t know just what to do with my blog. I was posting on a regular basis, I had a small readership but my visitor stats were sitting still.  So I went to blog expert and friend Grant Griffiths and signed up for his “31 Days to Kick Your Blog in The Butt” and actually did the things he suggested.  Not only have I seen a steady increase in visitors, but it inspired me to share my own knowledge in my “Virtual Assistant Survival Series” which became the “Virtual Assistant Survival Guide“. But what if you just feel stuck, with no particular reason why you have lost focus?  You don’t just have to learn something business related.  Always wanted to play golf?  Make your own beaded jewelry?  Become a better amateur photographer?  Learn how.  Having a hobby to escape to can be an amazing inspiration for your business.  When we immerse ourselves in our businesses, as so many home office business owners tend to, it stands to reason that our brains go on business overload.  The simplicity of disconnecting and doing something enjoyable or creative often is just the thing to help you regain your business focus.

I read or watch something I find inspirational

Currently it’s Jeffery Gitomer’s ” Little Gold Book of YES! Attitude: How to Find, Build and Keep a YES! Attitude for a Lifetime of SUCCESS” that provides me with small chunks of inspiration in bite sized pieces.  Filled with ways to change negative thoughts and attitudes into positive ones, I can pick it up during a coffee break, lunch break or just when I’m feeling overwhelmed and it inspires me to change my way of thinking and reacting. When I was first embarking on this adventure (both my business and my move from Maine to North Carolina) when I started questioning my sanity I pulled out my copy of  “Under the Tuscan Sun” and watched as Diane Lane followed her heart , with all of the twists, turns, ups and downs along the way.  So maybe a chick flick like that doesn’t do it for you, but I’m sure there’s a book or movie somewhere that does.  Or maybe even a YouTube video. Seriously.  Have you seen the lecture by Dr. Randy Pausch, “Achieving Your Childhood Dreams”?  If not, you owe it to yourself to head over there and watch it now.  It could be the most inspirational hour you’ve spent on the computer…ever. All of the experts will tell you that when you hit a wall with your business you need to take a step back. Often times that’s easier said than done.  I’ve found that by using the two tips above it allows me to stop thinking so much about business and allows me to come back to it with a fresher outlook. Source :  Home Office Warrior

Boo. Let me go on a little rant here, about the men in my workplace. Its funny how, I can see in the faces of the new hires (fresh out of college?) that, they look up to their seniors, because they command respect and get attention from colleagues on-and-off the office. You’d think attention was such a good thing, but here I am, about to go on the above-mentioned rant: no, I don’t enjoy it, particularly. I mean, as a society, the workplace is still a long ways-off to equality between men and women. My boy once told me that, I work too hard; he finds me attractive, and that, like many attractive people, I do enjoy being beautiful, but would rather be known for my natural merits, like character or skill. That’s why in school, I worked hard — so what if I won the third prize in the genetic lottery? It didn’t mean I was going to use my looks to go through life. Here’s a little list of things I’ve experienced in the various workplaces that I’ve been part of. The Fake Interview From Hell – This happened when I was fresh out of college, less than a month out, and I’ve been saturating job openings with my resume — this meant that, in a week, I would have at least 3-5 interviews lined up, and sometimes, they would be scheduled on the same day – so it was easy to bounce from area to area. In school, we had guests from consulting agencies to teach us what to do in interviews, etc. And so for my very first real “real” interview, this is what happened. I was sitting in the reception area when this guy in a suit sat beside me. He then asked me, “so, why do you want to work for our company?” I got all nervous, and whimpered, “is this the interview?” He coldly replied that it was, and he was being really, really arrogant and he didn’t even know what position I was applying for! He kept on asking questions until this girl steps in, “Hey! What are you doing with the new applicant?! Stop jerking around!” It turns out that the guy thought I was cute, and was playing a joke on me. He wasn’t even in the department I was applying for! How mean and unprofessional! Night Out Bitching – I know, much can be said about men and office politics, but this just disgusted me. It was a Friday night, a major project just got finished, and everyone was feeling the vibe of getting a drink right after work … as early as 3. Some of our officemates couldn’t make it, and I was stuck with a bunch that I wasn’t particularly close to. It’s surprising, then, for me, to hear what they were talking about — they were criticizing the quirks of my officemates! Then they started talking about which of the girls “they’d hit.” I mean, granted, we weren’t in an office environment, but, are you allowed to make snap judgment on people you JUST work with? I know I can’t do anything for them, but I just stopped tagging along, gossip doesn’t bring anything good in my personal life, and most especially, it won’t do anything for me in the office either. Unwanted Paparazzo – This is just the worst. See, I have a boyfriend, and, it’s not like I have to let the whole office now, right? (I use it to counter any advances hehe) So there’s this one sweet afternoon that he had a meeting near the office, and he visited me for an afternoon snack! We went to a nearby coffee shop, and, as it turned out, an officemate was also there for a meeting. He took a picture using his PDA, paparazzi-style, and sent it to the office e-mail, (save for mine) when I went in, everyone had this look of malice, as if I was using office breaks to hook up. The worst part is, I got called in by the big boss about it… Take note, after the last incident, I didn’t just slink back in my desk, hoping that karma would get them. I reported the truth, using the proper avenues, and the big boss asked the officemates to apologize to me. I’m hoping that I find a way that most of my male officemates would come to respect me as an equal, a human person who goes to work to just get work done. (And here I am being super-nice to the shy IT guy, because at least with him, I could joke around and not get disrespected.) Source: Social Climber Blog http://socialclimber.wordpress.com/2008/04/16/why-i-hate-the-men-in-my-workplace/

Unfair Practices

I work for a small course company that offers several online courses that start a new session every month, with the start date being the third Wednesday of the month.

I requested three weeks in advance to take an hour off at the end of the Monday of last month’s start week, to take my daughter for her one year checkup and shots.  My boss denied the request because it was a start week.  Then she sent an e-mail emphatically stating that no time off will be given during start week.

This was last month.  This month another new mother in my department took the actual start day completely off to take her daughter to the doctor for a checkup and shots.  She was allowed to do this by our boss.

Because of her denial for my hour’s early leave, I had to reschedule my daughter making her two months late for this checkup and shots.  This seems to be a double standard, and I am unsure how to approach this issue.

Millie

Millie, a few years ago primatologists Frans de Waal and Sarah Brosnan reported an experiment they did with capuchin monkeys.  Capuchins like cucumbers but love grapes.  These capuchins were trained to exchange pebbles for food, and when one monkey got a grape for a pebble, while another got cucumber, the second monkey was miffed.  That monkey might throw the cucumber away or refuse to pay a pebble for it.

de Waal observed that we are taught to believe fairness is an idea introduced by wise men “after pondering right, wrong, and our place in the cosmos.”  Actually, the idea may be wired into our genes.  That’s why you feel angry, insulted, and embarrassed.

The question is, what to do about it?  The standard advice says communication is the key.  Don’t get emotional, document what happened, and pick an opportune time to discuss this with your boss.  But if you felt you could talk to your boss, or if your company had firm procedures, you would not be writing.

Here’s the problem.  Shove the idea of fair play into the face of someone who does not play fair, and it could backfire.  Whistleblowers don’t usually get rewarded.  They get sacked.  And people who hold grudges remember every slight, every roll of the eyes, and every slow response to, “I’m right aren’t I?”

There are only two good answers to unfairness in the workplace: rank so high in the social network you are protected, or perform your job so well you are indispensable.  You’d like to have an hour-long bitchfest with your girlfriend, drown your sorrows in chocolate cake, and then tell your boss where to go.  But you know that won’t do any good.

What will help is asking yourself the most basic questions.  Why did someone get a day off when you could not get off even for an hour?  Are you held in low esteem there?  Are the rules quirky and capricious?  Is your boss unapproachable?  Answer those questions and a strategy will emerge.

If communication is out of the question, make sure the favored people don’t know of your resentment and find an outlet for your anger.  We don’t normally recommend this kind of gamesmanship because it comes with a high emotional cost.  Unfairness makes us wear even more of a masked face than we typically wear in public.

If you are deeply upset with what happened yet powerless to change it, you have to get out of that zone.  Tonight instead of watching a movie on television, spend two hours working over your resume, looking at job postings, or upgrading your skills.

We have to react productively to the foibles of those in power.  If you believe the chef will spit on your food if you send it back, the only power you have is not to go there again.

Wayne & Tamara
(From the column for the week of October 29, 2007)

 

No Class

The manager of a very posh store in New York City has this weird habit of touching her employees' lunches.  She has picked up sandwiches and taken bites out of them without permission.  She even sticks her finger into their donuts or muffins while they are eating them.

She laughs and thinks it is funny.  I find it disgusting and rude.  What is wrong with this woman?  People have said things to her, but she continues to abuse her authority.  Since she rules the store, what can they do?

Mardi

Mardi, there is one thing they can do about this woman's behavior.  Make her disappear!  They can do this permanently by quitting, or temporarily, by eating out or eating elsewhere.

Obsessions, compulsions and morbid habits are deeply rooted.  Her brain is stuck on impulses you will probably never understand, but even if you did, you lack the power to change them.  It is sometimes said people who act this way get no pleasure from their behavior, but there is a clear gain to her actions.

Every time she touches her employees' food she reinforces her superiority and their inferiority.  In a way, that is the essence of poshness.  The word "posh" means elegant, expensive and upper class. 

Knowing the right wine to order from an extensive wine list may be wonderful, but only if you already know what is truly important.  For that reason, being posh implies the ability to make unimportant distinctions, while being blind to what is truly important.  In that sense your manager and her store are truly posh.

Wayne
(From the column for the week of November 18, 2002)

 

Rembrandt

I had a close, healthy working relationship with the head of my company until another administrative assistant came in.  I was told to train her so I would be free to travel for the company, which I did.  I successfully went to bat for her with the boss to get her a significant raise, because she was underpaid. 

She didn’t want to ask for a raise herself.  She told me she would appreciate my help in speaking up for her, and she got a huge raise out of it.  When she had a death in her immediate family, I, again, spoke to our boss on her behalf.  The company paid for her to fly across country to the funeral.  I took up a collection in our office to give her traveling money.

Now this admin speaks disrespectfully to me and makes every effort to prevent me from interacting with our boss.  She uses filthy language in the office and on the phone with our colleagues.  I briefly met with this admin in private and told her she is not to speak to me so disrespectfully.  She was hostile. 

The boss thinks she is terrific, but is rarely exposed to what the rest of us see.  Her behavior is daily unprofessional, yet she seems to get away with it!  In a couple of months her responsibilities will shift to another area, and I will be back in the position of close assistant to our boss.

I look forward to this transition as I feel my boss’s perception is that I am not “engaged,” when in fact I try to be but am constantly blocked by this rude girl.  I want to have the close communication with the boss I had originally.  What should I do?

Audrey

Audrey, to paint a realistic picture an artist must solve the problem of perspective.  This can be done by imagining the canvas is an open window.  The artist then paints on the canvas as if painting the scene on window glass.  That’s how the problem of perspective can be solved.

You think your boss has a perspective problem.  You are in a hurry for him to recognize how bad an employee this admin is, which means you are also in a hurry for him to recognize what a bad situation you put him in.  Of course he doesn’t want to see her flaws.  She was hired at adequate wages, and he increased her salary on your recommendation. 

If you point out her flaws, he will feel the fool for having listened to you.  You are like the tailor who told the emperor how beautiful his new clothes were, and now you want him to admit he’s been walking down the street naked.  In fact, he has to admit to two misjudgments: one about her and one about you. 

Your best bet is to keep quiet and wait this out.  You vouched for her so you could assume your new responsibilities.  And look what it’s done.  Now you have a person who can’t or won’t do the job properly.  We can’t fault your boss for his perspective on this matter because you are the one who painted the picture for him.

Wayne & Tamara
(From the column for the week of December 4, 2006)

 

Office Politics

Recently my boss updated our software with the new 2005 version.  Everything went okay except something was added onscreen we didn't need.  It didn't print out on invoices so it didn't really matter.

Two days later she went into the software and changed the template.  Basically that messed up everything.  It wasn't really a problem either, because we got it fixed and everything ran fine.  However, while we were getting things fixed, all our invoices had to be handwritten.

On a morning when I wasn't at work she informed everyone I caused the problem.  Of course, they brought it up later in front of me and her, and she smiled.  I came to my own defense and said I didn't create the mess.  However, I felt humiliated and am not sure if I can trust her or work for her. 

She acted like nothing was wrong.  What should I do, and how should I react to this matter?  This isn't the only incident.

Lily

Lily, one slang term for the devil is "Old Nick."  The term refers to Niccolo Machiavelli, whose realistic book about how politics is actually practiced was considered by some to be the work of the devil.

Machiavelli observed a person who knows how to craftily manipulate the minds of others will, in the end, surpass those who lay their foundation upon honesty.  He also noted that most people are so controlled by present necessities and so simpleminded they will allow themselves to be deceived.

Blurring reality with lies often works, and what Old Nick said explains why negative campaigning works so well.  It also explains why your boss acts as she does.  Creating confusion in the minds of coworkers, customers, and superiors about the real source of the problem protects her position of power.

You were right to stand up for yourself, and in the workplace that is about all you can do.  People like your boss usually pick on a weak target and defending yourself makes you less vulnerable to her attacks. 

It was said of one American president that he wouldn't tell you your pants were on fire unless he thought it was in his own self-interest to do so.  Your boss is like that.  Knowing that, you need to decide if you should remain in this workplace.

Wayne & Tamara
(From the column for the week of March 21, 2005)

 

High Wire Act

I am single, attractive, and 42.  For the last decade I've been personal assistant to the managing director of my company.  He and I have a very good relationship which is essential in this kind of role.  When his marriage of 25 years broke down, he was loathe to discuss it with family or friends.

Our good working relationship and confidentiality paved the way for him to turn to me for advice and support.  I was happy to provide it as he has been a good friend to me.  Nothing sexual has ever happened between us, however, his ex-wife resented our friendship because she felt we always got on better than he and she did.

Three months ago my boss met a lady 20 years his junior at a party at one of our other offices.  They fell for each other.  My problem is his now wife-to-be will not tolerate me at all.  He suggested to her that she and I should speak.  She duly called me, and I attempted what I thought was a pleasant "girly" chat.

It was obvious she was reluctant to talk, but I put this down to the fact we didn't know each other.  Since then she has refused to discuss or acknowledge me.  He can't bring me up in conversation as it induces a row.  This puts our friendship under severe strain.

It's also going to make life difficult for me when I attend company events where she will be present.  I am frightened anything I say or do may be misconstrued by her and lead to a row either with me or, when they return home, with him.  This saddens me.  I know he finds this situation difficult to manage because it involves a lot of female feelings he can't comprehend.

He admits his new love is jealous of any female that comes near him, but she has a special resentment for me.  I am keen for us to be friends, but I also feel he has to side with her which makes me a two time loser.

Deborah

Deborah, the ancient seer Epimenides said, "There is a pleasure in being mad which none but madmen know."  There is also a perverse pleasure in jealousy which none but the jealous know.

Dealing with someone with a true jealousy problem is like dealing with someone with a mental illness.  Your boss will be accused of things he hasn't done, and she will see your actions as suspicious attempts to placate her reasonable fears.  Forget any idea of winning her over.  Jealous people can't be won over.

Your best strategy is to do your job to perfection and keep as far into the background of their relationship as you can.  When you run into this woman, maintain the wallpaper persona of the subordinate employee.  We know this is demeaning, but your main goal is to keep your good job.  As you know, a good personal assistant must be able to walk a tightrope, even without a net.

Tamara
(From the column for the week of May 23, 2005)

 

Rocking The Boat

I work in a factory, and we have supervisors who play favorites.  They have about six girls who can do no wrong, and they have easier jobs than the rest of us.  These girls go out after work to bars, and that is why they are in with the supervisors.

The boss over these supervisors will not do anything because his boss is the father of one of these supervisors.  So long as "Daddy boss" is still there, this boss will not do anything to the supervisors.  One girl played around and made the machinery malfunction for an operator, but she didn't get into trouble because of the favoritism.

Do we go to the owner of the company with a complaint on why these bosses will not fix this mess?

Carol

Carol, we will not tell you that you should go to the owner.  What we will tell you is how this usually plays out. 

Some things are worth doing because you feel they are the right thing to do, even when you know they will not succeed.  As a rule, whistleblowers do not succeed.  Complaining or whistleblowing makes you the problem, instead of the problem you are calling attention to. 

Human beings are social animals, and family and social connections in the workplace usually count for more than merit or truth.  Truth is very weak.  There is nothing pushing it.  It can't stand up to people pushing their own agenda.

The one place where truth, fact, and objectivity are supposed to rule is science, but even in science it is a problem.  The physicist Max Planck once observed that an important scientific innovation is usually accepted not because people readily accept its truth, but because the older generation of opponents grows old and dies off.

Carol, you have three options: you can overlook the unfairness and become immune to it, you can seek other employment, or you can try to fix the problem.  Fixing the problem is the solution least likely to occur.  In all probability, your workplace is a boat the owner does not want rocked.

Source - Wayneandtamara.com

I'm working on my degree and work as a secretary for now. My boss has a bachelor's degree and I know for a fact I'm smarter than him, but I also know for a fact he thinks he's smarter than me.  I hate it when he tells me what do most of the time.  Do you all have faced similar issues?

There’s no denying that some decisions are easier than others, and some people have more trouble making decisions than others.  If you have to make a choice and you’re stuck, here’s a process I like to use:

• Define the situation in concrete terms: As if you are telling a story, write out the particulars.  What do you have to make a decision about, and what led up to this point?   Who are the people involved?  What is the deadline for making the decision?
• Generate as many alternatives as you can: Write down everything that comes to mind, and then look at your list carefully.  Are any of your options totally unrealistic?  If so, cross these off.
• Evaluate each choice: List the positive and negative consequences – or pros and cons – associated with each option. When considering pros and cons, think about your most important personal values (i.e. how will you feel about yourself if you take a certain action?), and how the decision will affect your life and the people in it.
• Select and implement the best alternative: Create an action plan in which you marshal the appropriate resources and set a timeline in motion.  Communicate your decision clearly to the people involved.
• Assess the outcome: If your decision turns out to be the right one, think about what worked and why.  If you were wrong, don’t be too hard on yourself.  Just chalk it up to a learning experience and try a different approach next time.

Source:  Alexandra Levit's Water Cooler Wisdom

Source: Alexandra Levit's Water Cooler Wisdom

Mr. Robert Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, she said, "Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open." He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?" The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags." source: www.slinkycity.com

A business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how things are going. He goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing. The owner walks up to the young man and says, "Son, how much do you make a day?" The guy replies, "150 dollars." The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out and never come back. A few minutes later, the shipping clerk asks the owner, "Have you seen that UPS driver?? I asked him to wait here for me!" source: www.butlerwebs.com

From my experience what I have seen is that - if an employer wants to have for example a 6 hour interview, then tell them that you can't do 6 hours at a stretch because you are busy and that you could split the time into three sessions.  This actually has helped me perform much better at interviews and this is how :  the shorter sessions are less tiring and you are mind is much sharper and fresher, if you have missed a few questions in the first sessions then you can brush up on those topics during the next few sessions.  You can also gauge based on the job requirements and the line of questioning to better perpare for the next couple of sessions.  It helps you ask better questions the next few sessions based on the interactions you have had from the previous sessions and thinking through what the company does  and their product line during the time between sessions. Overall I have found this an excellent tactic to do well in an interview!

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer, just send them the following:

To Whom It May Concern: Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment at this time. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [Name of the Company]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately. I look forward to working with you. Best of luck in rejecting future candidates. Sincerely, [Your Name]

Source: www.butlerwebs.com

• You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.
• You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.
• You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing.
• You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.
• You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.

source:butlerwebs.com

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning, Anyway, I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you, the children will remember." The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning, boss.  Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, its such a beautiful day outside and its your birthday, lets go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!" We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, its such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Lets go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable." "Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday... And there I sat...on the couch...naked. source:butlerwebs.com

The ideal lunch hour involves some exercise, especially if, like me, you spend your day staring at a computer monitor. (In fact, I have two monitors, which probably means double the radiation and double the eye-strain… sadly, I haven’t yet persuaded the boss that he’d like to give me two salaries as well!) Depending on where you work, you might like to go for a walk to stretch your legs and clear your head: if you can persuade a colleague or two to join you, even better. I spent three months temping for a company at Cambridge Science Park, and there was an admirable office routine of everyone going out at lunchtime for a half-hour walk around the lovely grounds, past the lake and trees.

Exercise	Duration	Calories
Walking (moderate)	30 mins	110
Walking (faster)	30 mins	145

Gym – an hour

I now work in Brixton in South London, which is less conductive to pleasant lunchtime walks (the bright yellow police signs appealing for “MURDER” witnesses are somewhat offputting.) If your office is similarly located on a bustling high street, you might find other options nearby. Is there a gym within a few minutes walk? I’m lucky enough to have two, the local council recreation centre, and a Fitness First. In a lunch hour, you’ve got time to speed-walk to the gym, get changed, and have a quick workout. I found I could manage about 25-30 minutes on the machines, which is long enough for a decent workout but short enough for even my attention span. A speedy workout like this means you can put the intensity up a notch and get good and sweaty (just make sure you leave time to shower afterwards, before heading back to the office…) You may have to eat lunch at your desk while “working” but so long as your boss doesn’t raise any objections, it’s worth it to get some exercise in.

Gym – a bit longer

After I’d been in my current job for about six months, I shifted my hours slightly to start earlier on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and take an extra half-an-hour for lunch. If your employer is amenable to this sort of “lite” flexitime, do ask if it would be possible: many offices allow employees to stagger hours and take longer or shorter lunch breaks as they prefer. I’m no longer trying to jog with one eye on the clock (after a few near-misses with the treadmill, I’ve learned to keep my attention on where my feet are anyway.) Plus I keep fifteen minutes at the end of my lunch-hour to relax and eat my lunch, rather than trying to tap away at a spreadsheet whilst stuffing a sandwich in my mouth.

Exercise	Duration	Calories
Rowing machine (moderate)	15 mins	105
Rowing machine (vigorous)	15 mins	165

Jog

You might be lucky enough to have decent shower facilities available at work: if so, make the most of this! (My office does have a shower, but it looks like it was last cleaned in the previous century… I doubt it’s ever been used.) You can change into jogging bottoms and a t-shirt (not forgetting that all-important sports bra if you’re female), and go for a 20-30 minute jog. If you’re just starting to exercise, there are lots of plans to help you gradually build up stamina: try alternating walking with jogging, gradually reducing the duration of the walking intervals. If you work in the middle of a town centre like me, you might feel rather exposed running down the high street – and risk getting arrested as a suspect shop-lifter. See if you can find an isolated park anywhere nearby, where you could jog in circuits, or just some quieter back roads.

Exercise	Duration	Calories
Jogging (moderate pace)	15 mins	160

Other – swim, roller-blade, cycle, skate…

With a bit of ingenuinity, there are plenty of other fun exercise options possible in a lunch-hour. If you cycle to work [link] then you can take the bike out for a quick spin, exploring some of the places a little further from your workplace than the newsagent’s and sandwich bar. If there’s a pool nearby, a brief dip is a truly relaxing break from the office – you’ll feel a world away from work once you’re in the water. Challenge yourself to gradually increase the number of lengths you can do in half an hour. A couple of streets away from my office is a skate park, full of bumps, ramps and behooded teenagers. This could be a great chance to relive or rediscover your youth – dig out your roller-blades or skateboards, and persuade a friend to join you!

Exercise	Duration	Calories
Swimming (moderate pace)	30 mins	235

(All calorie counts in this article are based on an 11 stone woman.) source:www.officediet.com

An executive was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He narrowed it down to one of two people -- Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that whichever one used the water cooler first the following morning would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take a couple of aspirins and the executive approached her and said, "Debra, I''ve never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." Debra replied, "Could you please jack off? I have a terrible headache." Source: www.slinkycity.com

In the workplace, there may come a day when you need to create a project proposal. Maybe you think your company needs a weekly brainstorming meeting. Maybe you have developed a new filing system. A project proposal is a detailed description of activities targeted at solving a problem – from beginning to end and everything in between. If you need to create a project proposal, start with an outline the five W’s of the project –who, what, when, where, and why – as well as outline the how. Creating a proposal helps explain a project to others, gets buy-in, and helps ensure a project of quality and efficiency. So, keep these tips in mind when you’re creating a project proposal.

Justify your reasoning for the project. You can’t just create a project because you think it will be fun. You need to be able to give reasons and examples of how this project could improve or impact business. Outline what value the project will bring to your company, how the project fits into the overall scheme of what your company does, how it will impact you and your co-workers, and the anticipated outcome.

Create a timeline. After you present a brief overview, break the project down into smaller, more manageable pieces and shows your commitment to the details. Doing so provides organization to your project. You can either break a project down step-by-step or divide it into different phases. It’s also important to assign deadline dates to the project to ensure that the project is created and implemented in a timely manner. The dates that you set should be realistic. Allow enough time for a quality product to be produced, but don’t allow so much time that months or years down the line there is still no end result to show.

Outline financial costs and human resources. It’s also important to estimate how much you think the project will cost. This will include such things as employee time and supplies. Projects can range from needing a very small budget to a large budget, so review the budgets of previous projects completed on a similar level to get a more accurate estimate. It’s also not a bad idea to talk to your manager about what seems realistic for a budget on your project.

Implement a follow-up plan. Once you have all the basics for your project outlined, it’s time to think about how you would measure the results to ensure you’re meeting your goals. Be sure to list out how you would track results and how often you would conduct tracking. The goal of this is to make sure your project achieves the desired results that you hoped for and to determine if you’re addressing the goals.

These are some basics of creating a project proposal. In general, when you take more time in the planning process, the more sound and structured a project will be. Also, doing this communicates to your boss that you believe in your project and want to make it the best it can be. Most bosses would look at this as a sign of leadership, drive, and determination – all good quality’s to have in today’s workforce.

 

Source: Movin' On Up

Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. A little ignorance can go a long way. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous." A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. Following the rules will not get the job done. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules. No matter how much you do, you never do enough. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong. After all is said and done, usually more is said than done. source: www.funfacts.com.au

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair. Source: comedy-zone.net

Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/ Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a long time veteran looking for a change of pace, this JOB SEARCH JARGON should help you get on your way... COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. FLEXIBLE HOURS: Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5. GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want you to do. ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD: You whine, you're fired. CAREER-MINDED: We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70. SELF-MOTIVATED: Management won't answer questions SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around. COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT: We have a lot of turnover. SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER: We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check. CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED: If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it. SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left. PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Ever pulled an all-nighter?

Maybe you had an exam to study for…maybe you had a presentation to create for your boss’ big meeting…or maybe you were just having too great a time to leave the club before 4 am. The next day, maybe you drank some coffee…or chugged a few RockBullMonster drinks to kick start it all over again.

Would you work drunk?

Though a few of us may be sleep mutants [see article] the rest of us all know we should get a solid 7 or 8 hours a night. But when there are other things to do sleep sometimes seems dispensable. And that’s when the trouble starts. Going without sleep for 24 hours—or getting only 5 hours a night for a week—can have the same effect as having a blood alcohol content of 0.1 percent according to research at Harvard University.

We don’t expect someone to get behind the wheel of a car impaired and perform effectively.  And yet, behaviors creating the same effect are often celebrated in the workplace or in school as demonstrating commitment and dedication.

And while no one suggests that hard work and dedication are the wrong things to celebrate, it may be that we overlook the downside of a commitment to being  ’on’ 24/7.

It seems clear from the work of Harvard’s Charles Czeisler and others that failing to get adequate sleep builds a cumulative imbalance that impairs performance and that makes much of the quantity of our work of inferior quality.

Sleep it off?

As in any behavior with potentially negative consequences, the first step is to recognize the issue.  If you find yourself having to stay up later than usual, or starting to get fewer hours of sleep than you know you should, that’s precisely the time to proactively make time for sleep.

If you find yourself having a hard time concentrating at work or making lots of small mistakes, you might already be working under the influence of sleepless nights. If you aren’t getting 7 to 8 hours a night consistently, the sleep imperative will only grow larger.

When the pressure’s on in these situations, several tactics might help:

• smart napping,
• modified nighttime routines, and sleep diaries
• attention to diet [for example avoiding extra caffeine, vending machine snacks and alcohol] and exercise [getting some]

These are all means to help you transcend the temporary temptation to forego sleep.

In the long term, though, there is no substitute for a taking control and dedicating yourself to healthy sleep habits. Research has shown a strong relationship between lack of sleep and health problems like cardiovascular disease, diabetes, obesity…even death!  Your workplace will certainly be better if you are there healthy and alive.

Do you have a personal experience with chronic sleeplessness impacting your work or school? Please share it in the comments.

 

SOurce: blog.sleepingsimple.com

References are a vital part of your job search because they can attest to the quality of work you do and your work ethic. Your references should usually be individuals who are familiar with your work history and know enough about you that they can give valuable and detailed feedback to a potential employer. When possible, your references should also be people who are influential in your industry. Some examples of possible references you could use include former bosses, professors, supervisors, co-workers, and customers.

Once you’ve compiled a list of people who meet the qualifications and you are sure they will represent you well, you need to ask them if they’d be willing to be a reference for you. If you’re a little unsure on how to approach a potential reference, check out these tips to help get you started.

Contacting them? Phone calls, e-mails, or lunch meetings are all great ways to contact someone to be your reference. But, consider your relationship with a potential reference when deciding the best way to ask them. For example, if you aren’t on a first name basis with a former professor, or if you know their schedule is very busy, then meeting for lunch might not be the best option. Sending an e-mail and following up with a phone call might be a better option.

If you have a mentor, consider making a phone call to them rather than sending an e-mail because chances are you know them well and a phone call allows you to be more personable. There are many ways to contact a potential reference, so be sure to pick the one that’s right for the relationship you have with the individual.

What do I say? When asking someone to be a reference, there is specific information you want to make them aware of. Tell them why you chose them as a reference, what career choice you have chosen, and which potential employers might be contacting them. Give them a copy of your résumé and go over it with them. Be sure you have their correct contact information, company, and title. Also make a sidenote of how they prefer to be contacted. Inform them about what you have been up to and what you’re currently doing. Remember, the more information you give them the easier it is for them to recommend you to a potential employee. And make sure you thank them if they are willing to be a reference for you.

How do I follow up? After you’ve gotten permission to use someone as a reference, send them a thank-you note. This simple gesture will show them how thoughtful you are and will let them know you are grateful for their influence and impact in your life.

A good reference can go a long way to helping you land your dream job. So make sure you provide them with the information they need to give you the best recommendation possible. And, be sure you follow up to let them know how much you appreciate their willingness to be an advocate for you.

 

Source: Movin' on up

A fire alarm rang at 4 pm in a large office campus when almost all employees were present (approx 5,000 people ). As per past fire-drill practices, the entire office was quickly evacuated within 3 minutes, and all employees gathered outside the complex in designated areas waiting for further announcement. Before long, the fire drill officer in-charge made the following broadcast over their loud-speakers system : "My dear colleagues : With sincere regret, I have been asked to announce that for many of you, this will be your last evacuation drill with us. Due to the on-going recession and bad business climate, the company is laying off almost 50% of its staff. So when this announcement finishes, I ask all of you to move back into the building. And if your swipe-card does not work, then it means that you have been laid off, in which case you will not be allowed inside, and all your personal belongings will be couriered to you by tomorrow. The company is using this innovative, never-before approach as we do not want to choke our email system with lay-off notices and farewell messages going by the thousands, and we also wish to avoid any fighting inside the office and the consequent security issues for all staff. We hope you have had a rewarding career with us. Now please move back in… and good luck ! source: http://miteshasher.blogspot.com

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work. 4 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are 11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves Just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're just sitting there reading jokes all day!

Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/ Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.

Everyone has a boss. Even if you "work for yourself," you're still an employee to your client. A big part of maintaining the boss-employee relationship is to never allow a boss to think you dislike your work, are incapable of doing it, or--worse--consider it beneath you. These sound like no-brainers, but many statements heard commonly around the workplace violate these basic rules. Looking for an example? Here are seven heard in workplaces all the time. They may seem ordinary, even harmless. But try reading these from your boss's point of view. You'll see right away why it's smart to never allow these seven sentences to pass your lips: "That's not my job." You know what? A lot of bosses are simple souls who think your job is to do what's asked of you. So even if you're assigned a task that is, indeed, not your job, refrain from saying so. Instead, try to find out why your boss is assigning you this task--there may be a valid reason. If you believe that doing the task is a bad idea (as in, bad for the company) you can try explaining why and suggesting how it could be better done by someone else. This may work, depending on the boss. In any case, remember that doing what's asked of you, even tasks outside your job description, is good karma. "It's not my problem." When people say something is not their problem it makes them look like they don't care. This does not endear them to anybody, especially the boss. If a problem is brewing and you have nothing constructive to say, it's better to say nothing at all. Even better is to pitch in and try to help. Because, ultimately, a problem in the workplace is everyone's problem. We're all in it together. "It's not my fault." Yet another four words to be avoided. Human nature is weird. Claiming that something is not our fault often has the result of making people suspect it is. Besides, what's the real issue here? It's that something went wrong and needs to be fixed. That's what people should be thinking about--not who is to blame. "I can only do one thing at a time." News flash: Complaining you are overworked will not make your boss feel sorry for you or go easier on you. Instead, a boss will think: (1) you resent your job, and/or (2) you aren't up to your job. Everybody, especially nowadays, feels pressured and overworked. If you're trying to be funny, please note that some sarcasm is funny and lightens the mood. Some just ticks people off. "I am way overqualified for this job." Hey, maybe you are. But the fact is, this is the job you have. You agreed to take it on and, while you may now regret that decision, it's still your job. Complaining that it's beneath you only makes you look bad. Plus, coworkers doing similar jobs may resent and dislike you. And guess what? Bosses will not think, "Oh, this is a superior person whom I need to promote." Nope, they'll think, "What a jerk." "This job is easy! Anyone could do it!" Maybe what you're trying to convey here is that you're so brilliant your work is easy. Unfortunately, it comes off sounding more like, "This work is stupid." Bosses don't like hearing that any work is stupid. Nor do they really like hearing that a job is easy peasy. It belittles the whole enterprise. If a task is simple, be glad and do it as quickly as you can. Even "stupid" work needs to get done. "It can't be done." Saying something can't be done is like waving a red flag in a boss's eyes. Even if the thing being suggested truly is impossible, saying it is can make you look ineffectual or incapable. Better to play detective. Why is the boss asking you to do whatever it is? What's the problem that needs to be solved? What's the goal? Search for doable ways of solving that problem or reaching that goal. That's what bosses really want. Most of them do not expect the impossible. Last words: When in doubt, remember that silence really is golden. Karen Burns is the author of the illustrated career advice book The Amazing Adventures of Working Girl: Real-Life Career Advice You Can Actually Use, recently released by Running Press. She blogs at www.karenburnsworkinggirl.com.

Source: Aha! Jokes, http://www.AhaJokes.com/ Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do. * * * Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss--and you will get caught--your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You're not a loafer, you're a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander. * * * Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives. * * * Voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing-- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's the way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full"--a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

While we run our businesses or telecommute for other companies from our homes, we may sometimes get overwhelmed by the task of just running the home. Not only that, but sometimes we have to decide between taking care of the home so we can take the time to run the home office. As Home Biz Notes mentions, we don’t hesitate outsourcing to professionals like attorneys and accountants. And like many, I take advantage of a virtual assistant to handle certain task for me as well. But, “outsourcing is equally valid when you”

• want or need more time to focus on other work tasks
• don’t have an interest in a specific area
• want to spend more time to relax
• want to spend more time with your family
• want to give yourself some “me” time
• Any others?

While we may not hesitate to outsource for “office task” or other business needs assistance. Why not outsource for other task as suggested by Home Biz Notes? And here is a list of other outsourcing we should consider from Home Biz Notes.

• personal chef (if you’re feeling indulgent)
• personal shopper
• personal home organizer
• personal concierge
• baby sitting
• virtual assistant
• home cleaner
• ironing assistance
• yard work

I have to mention one item here and that is this. I am one of the very lucky ones in that for the most part, all I have to be concerned with in my home office is just that. The home office. I work, run and can give almost all of my time to running the home office. My wife on the other hand does all of the other items listed above. So for me, I don’t have to worry about outsourcing. And before you email me or call and tell me what an awful husband I am, I do help do those things too. But, my point is I don’t have to worry about it. However, I do know there are some who do and that is one reason many don’t take the plunge and move their work to a home office. I visit with people daily about how do I, meaning them, do it. How do I move from working in a downtown office or for an employer to working from home? I just don’t have the time and there are too many distractions. Home Biz Notes has provided some help with that by providing this great list of things you can outsource. Take advantage of them or some of them. And don’t forget to check out Home Office Virtual Assistant, one of the blogs in the Home Office Warrior network for more ideas. Source: Home Office Warrior

Source: Home Office Warrior

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair." source: www.butlerwebs.com

All hail and make way For Mrs. Type A! She works like the place is on fire– She comes in at five With a heart full of drive And her bpm ninety or higher! She handles all greetings, She runs all the meetings, She swallows her enemies wholly! She lunches while walking And cellular-talking. She’s tense and intense and control-y! I watch and feel lost. I don’t mind her exhaust, If that’s what she’s wanting to do. But if she’s the display Of what’s meant by Type A, Then I must be down near Type Q. http://davidellisdickerson.com

• Were you BORN this stupid? Or did it just take years of practice?
• I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
• The beatings will continue until morale improves
• How about never? Is never good for you?
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• Busy, you thought busy was a policeman.  "In England for some reason, they call the policeman busy
• I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship.
• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
• I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
• It's nice to see that you're not satisfied with people JUST THINKING you're an idiot.
• I'm not anti-social. I'm anti-YOU.
• I'm not anti-social. Society is anti-me.
• Would you like me to chew your food for you while I'm at it?
• Wait, you mean I actually have to WORK at work??
• Here's a quarter. Go forth. Be Happy.
• It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
• I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
• I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
• What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
• No, my powers can only be used for good.
• You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
• Who me? I just wander from room to room
• And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
• Do I look like a freaking people person?
• This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting. (yeah, and it's called my office)
• I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
• You!... Off my planet!
• Does your train of thought have a caboose?
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• A PBS mind in an MTV world.
• Allow me to introduce my selves.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
• Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
• Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
• Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
• Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

SOurce: www.bero.com

I’m the V.P of sales. I track desktop details— My hands never ache or get blistery. I drive an s-10; I can work from my den Should the weather get stormy or twister-y. I have kids and a wife And a wonderful life, And yet one thing remains a big mystery: I use none of the knowledge I picked up in college … So why did I major in history? Source: http://davidellisdickerson.com/

"So tell me, Mrs. Jones," asked the interviewer, "do you have any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?" "Well, actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I also finished my novel." "Very impressive," commented the interviewer, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours." Mrs. Jones explained brightly, "Oh, that was during office hours." source:www. slinkycity.com

• can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
• I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
• I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make when they go flying by.
• Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
• Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
• I'm not just a gardener, I'm a Plant Manager.
• My reality check bounced.
• On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
• I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
• You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through chunky peanut butter.
• I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
• I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
• I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
• Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Source: www.homebuilt.org

All your hard work has paid off. Your manager has noticed your attention to details, skills, and abilities. You are being promoted and will receive a pay raise and a new job title. Sounds good, right? Congratulations are in order, but if you are concerned about what your new promotion entails, here is some advice to help ease into the transition of your new job role.

Maintain open communication. Anytime you take on more work responsibilities, it’s natural to have some questions about your new role or need some guidance. In most situations, managers will give you time to get adjusted to the changes. To help ensure that you don’t fall behind on tasks, be sure to talk with your manager about things you don’t understand, prioritizing tasks, how you’re feeling about your new advancement, and the progress you’re making. Keeping the lines of communication open is important.

Set goals. In order to get where you want to go, you first have to know how to get there. This applies to your daily workload. When you take on more responsibility, more work naturally follows. Make an outline of your goals for the year, quarter, or month. What do you want to achieve in your new role? Talk with your manager regarding what your objectives are and what it is you want and need to accomplish. This is a way for you to track your success over time. It also allows you to quickly report on your progress to your team and managers. And, don’t forget to outline your goals for the week to help give you direction and manage your time.

Develop your skills. Although you have received a promotion, this doesn’t mean your career stops here – unless you want it to. When you get a promotion, it’s usually because a manager has recognized your outstanding work ethic. Continue this momentum after your promotion. Seek out new training and learning opportunities to grow your skills and gain more knowledge. Remember, “Knowledge is power – the more you learn, the farther you go!”  Some examples of ways to develop your skills include: reading blogs about your field of interest, subscribing to newsletters, attending monthly networking meetings or training seminars, or taking a class at a local vo-tech or college. Just be sure to discuss your training plan with your manager first. By staying motivated and driven, more opportunities are likely to come your way in the future.

These are some basic tips to help you continue to climb the career ladder. A promotion is usually a great sign that your employer respects and values your work and abilities. Whether you just received a promotion or one is in the future, use this information to help you reach the top.

Source: Movin' On Up

As an employee, you need specific tools to get your daily work done. Pens, highlighters, notepads, staplers, folders, and the list goes on and on. Maybe your company provides you with these supplies. Maybe your company doesn’t. Either way, here are a few tips to keep in mind about workplace office supplies that will help you keep the peace at work, maintain good relationships with your co-workers, and avoid asking the question, “Um, excuse me … have you seen my stapler?”

If you have to borrow something, ask first. Maybe you really can’t find your stapler and you do need to borrow one for a major stapling project. Before you grab the first one you see, be sure to ask if you can borrow it. It’s important to be respectful of your co-workers’ desk space – it’s their territory. Keep in mind how you would feel if you went to grab your tape dispenser only to discover that your co-worker borrowed it a few days ago. To avoid workplace drama, it’s always better to ask to borrow something, especially if it’s for an extended period of time.

Return what you borrow. The rule of thumb to remember is that if you borrow something from one of your co-workers, be sure to return it back to them in a timely manner AND in the same condition it was in before you borrowed it. Be respectful of others’ property.

Don’t take office supplies home. If your company keeps you stocked with office supplies, that doesn’t mean you can take some home for your personal use. It’s easy to drop a pen in your purse or put one in a pocket and walk out of the office with it. But, after time, those little things start to add up and can start costing your company big bucks. Make it a point to keep your office supplies at the office and purchase your own personal office supplies to use at home.

Learn the policy for re-ordering. So, what do you do when there are no more tissues or you can’t find a highlighter in your entire workplace? Is there someone in your office who’s in charge of buying more office supplies for the whole team? Or is it an every man for himself mentality? Be sure you know what to do so that when you run out of sticky notes you don’t get stuck empty handed.

Label items you bought. If your work doesn’t pay for your office supplies, label the items you buy. Put your initials in marker on the bottom of each item, that way if something does get lost, others will know that it belongs to you. This will help prevent debates about who owns what. 

Office supplies seem like such a minor part of the workday, but employees can be a little particular when it comes to these tools. Keep these tips in mind to help ensure your workday runs smoothly.

Source: Movin' On Up

When you think of working with upper management or executives in your company, does it make you feel slightly nervous or make your heart start to beat fast because they hold so much power over your career? When you get into the work world, there will be times when you have to interact with executives on projects. So, make the most of the opportunities to impress your company’s management with these tips.

Be respectful of executives and their time.
When it’s time for you to meet with the vice president of marketing or the director of operations, be sure you are prepared for the meeting. People who work in upper level positions have a lot to focus on and a lot of meetings to attend. So, don’t waste their time. If the leader requests the meeting, ask in advance about what you need to bring. Be sure to research your topic of discussion, identify key talking points, and prepare a PowerPoint, Excel spreadsheet, graph, or document for the meeting as needed. Prepare questions you need answers to. Make it a point to be over prepared and have more knowledge about the meeting than you plan to use. And, always thank them for their time at the beginning and end of each meeting.

Reserve time on their schedule.
As mentioned above, managers and executives are busy. Be sure to reserve the appropriate amount of time on their calendar for your meeting with them. You may need to coordinate with an administrative assistant. If so, be sure to go through the right channels to book the correct time and space needed to meet. You can’t just walk into an executive’s office whenever you want to meet. To get their full attention and ensure uninterrupted time, be sure they receive and accept a meeting request. You may also want to follow-up with their assistant on the day of the meeting to make sure they are on schedule. Be flexible with your time when dealing with executives because something might happen prior to your meeting that requires you to reschedule with them for a later time.

Know how to address them. 
Do you address executives formally as Mr., Mrs., or Miss, or do you call them by their first name? This is something that may differ across the board depending on your company’s culture. At times, you might have an executive who is really personable and likes to joke around with everyone. But, if you address them informally, it could be offensive to them. You might have a Generation X manager who is more laid back and wouldn’t ever dream of anyone addressing them with a formal title. To be on the safe side, always address executives formally on the first meeting. From there, they can let you know a little more about their personality and specifically how to approach them in the future. After your meeting with them, if you’re still not sure how to address them, follow the lead of those around you, and when in doubt, be more formal. 

Always be honest and act with integrity.
When you’re in a meeting with upper management or executives, always be honest about what you know and don’t know. If, for example, someone unexpectedly asks you to report on the specifics of a project or how much something will cost and you don’t know the answer, don’t try to make something up to look good. Be up front and honest and let them know you don’t have the answer for them, but that you will research it and get back to them quickly. In most cases, they will respect you for your candor. Either way, it’s better to be honest than to fudge the truth and get found out later. 

Know your next plan of action when you leave the meeting.
Before the meeting is over, make sure you are aware of the next steps you need to take to complete a project. Know your key action items and any upcoming deadlines. If you are not clear about something, ask for clarification before the meeting is over. If you have any questions, be sure to ask. Sometimes you might be fearful of asking an executive a question because you’re afraid of what they will think of you. But, by speaking up and asking thoughtful questions, you’re letting them know you want to do a good job.

It’s important to realize that although those in upper management and executive positions hold some significant power within the company, they are still people too. There’s no reason to get worried about interacting with them. If you do get the opportunity, it is a sign that your employer trusts you and respects your work, and it’s an opportunity to learn from the very best in your organization.

Source: Movin' On Up

Source: Movin' On Up

All your hard work has paid off. Your manager has noticed your attention to details, skills, and abilities. You are being promoted and will receive a pay raise and a new job title. Sounds good, right? Congratulations are in order, but if you are concerned about what your new promotion entails, here is some advice to help ease into the transition of your new job role.

Maintain open communication. Anytime you take on more work responsibilities, it’s natural to have some questions about your new role or need some guidance. In most situations, managers will give you time to get adjusted to the changes. To help ensure that you don’t fall behind on tasks, be sure to talk with your manager about things you don’t understand, prioritizing tasks, how you’re feeling about your new advancement, and the progress you’re making. Keeping the lines of communication open is important.

Set goals. In order to get where you want to go, you first have to know how to get there. This applies to your daily workload. When you take on more responsibility, more work naturally follows. Make an outline of your goals for the year, quarter, or month. What do you want to achieve in your new role? Talk with your manager regarding what your objectives are and what it is you want and need to accomplish. This is a way for you to track your success over time. It also allows you to quickly report on your progress to your team and managers. And, don’t forget to outline your goals for the week to help give you direction and manage your time.

Develop your skills. Although you have received a promotion, this doesn’t mean your career stops here – unless you want it to. When you get a promotion, it’s usually because a manager has recognized your outstanding work ethic. Continue this momentum after your promotion. Seek out new training and learning opportunities to grow your skills and gain more knowledge. Remember, “Knowledge is power – the more you learn, the farther you go!”  Some examples of ways to develop your skills include: reading blogs about your field of interest, subscribing to newsletters, attending monthly networking meetings or training seminars, or taking a class at a local vo-tech or college. Just be sure to discuss your training plan with your manager first. By staying motivated and driven, more opportunities are likely to come your way in the future.

These are some basic tips to help you continue to climb the career ladder. A promotion is usually a great sign that your employer respects and values your work and abilities. Whether you just received a promotion or one is in the future, use this information to help you reach the top.

Source: Movin' On Up

Meetings are a common occurrence in the workplace. And, they are usually looked upon with the same excitement as a visit to the dentist. If the mention of a meeting makes you cringe or scream out of boredom, you’re not alone. Whatever your thoughts are about meetings, throughout your working career you will definitely sit in or lead your fair share of meetings. But, meetings don’t have to be boring or unproductive. When it’s your turn to lead your next department or team meeting, keep these common mistakes in mind and make sure you do the opposite to save your co-workers from another painfully bad and unproductive meeting wasting their time.  

I don’t need an agenda for every meeting. Don’t bother with an agenda if you want to have an infective meeting that doesn’t stay on track. But, if you want a good meeting, having an agenda is a must. In order to get where you want to go, you have to know where you’re going. Come to the meeting prepared with how it’s going to flow and what topics need to be discussed by the team. This will help keep the meeting focused, give it direction, and help it begin and end on time.

It’s not necessary to schedule a meeting on the calendar. Your co-workers will just remember that you want to meet with them in two weeks, won’t they? Wrong. It’s important that you use Outlook or software your company uses to book your next meeting on every attendee’s calendar. If you just send attendees an e-mail alerting them of the meeting, there’s a good chance it will get lost in their inbox and never added to a calendar. This means you might have co-workers forget to attend the meeting. Always be sure to get the meeting on their calendar so that they can be reminded of it. 

The meeting room is always available. Don’t assume there will be a space available for you and your team when it comes time to meet. When you’re creating the meeting and inviting attendees, be sure to check for conference room availability. Go ahead and reserve that room for the correct day and time. Include yourself as the contact person in case any questions or conflicts arise.

The attendees know what the meeting topic’s about. It’s important to remember that people can’t read your mind, so they don’t know what you’re thinking. No one likes to attend a meeting where they don’t know what will be discussed. When scheduling your meeting and creating the invitation for your co-workers, let them know in advance what the focus of the meeting will be. Also, let them know if they need to bring anything specific to the meeting or if they have a specific task to perform at the meeting or beforehand.

Everyone has to be in attendance. You’ve probably heard the phrase, “the more the merrier,” but in meeting situations this is not always true. When you have too many people attending a meeting it can turn into a nightmare to manage. When you schedule a meeting, keep in mind that not everyone has to or needs to attend. Only invite those individuals who absolutely need to be involved in the discussion. This will help you get the greatest outcome out of your meeting time and your co-workers will appreciate you for valuing their time.

It’s OK to start the meeting a few minutes late. What’s just a few minutes going to matter? Just know that those minutes are valuable. When you’re leading a meeting, always start on time. When someone sets a meeting, it’s important to show up and start on time – not five or 10 minutes late. When meetings don’t start when they’re supposed to, they usually don’t end when they should either. Time is a precious tool for many these days, and there is usually not a lot to spare for late meetings.

Meetings don’t have to be horrible. You can break the “awful meeting” mentality by being great at leading your meetings. Remember, you don’t have to lead a meeting because your boss has always led them a certain way. Everyone leads differently, but follow these tips along with the 5 Ws of Successful Meeting Management to showcase your great leadership abilities and be the meeting manager your workplace can’t live without.

Source: Movin' On Up

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective immediately, a Restroom Trip Policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees. Under the policy a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given twenty Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated. Within four to six weeks, the entrance doors to all restrooms are being equipped with personal identification stations and computer- linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of the month each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to the Human Resources Department. The voice print recognition station will be operational but not restrictive during the entire month. Employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during that period. If the employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restrooms will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with time paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty-seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied your picture will be taken. The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board located in the Employee Relations Office. Anyone's picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated. If you have any questions about this policy, please ask your supervisor. They have all received advanced instructions. source: www.jokersrevenge.com

Cartoon About Life In A Cubicle This funny cartoon is very well done. It is about a little man who has all kinds of crazy adventures in his cubicle at work.

1. The art of listening One of the first skills of a conversation is the art of listening. 2. When to speak Keep in mind when to speak and when not to.  This is doubly important when you are facing more than one interviewer. 3. The information you provide Quality over quantity Concentration and focus are quite important. 4. Provide Facts 5. Relevancy focus on relevancy. 6. A team player Make it clear to the  interviewers that you are a team player. 8. Future plans 9. Honest answers 10 . Know your strengths source: e-forwards.com

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE … enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to… something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…. A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE … a youth she’s content to leave behind…. a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age…. a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra… one friend who always makes her laugh.. and one who lets her cry… A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…. eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored… A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a feeling of control over her destiny… how to fall in love without losing herself.. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship…. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…… when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY… EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… that she can’t change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.. that her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…. how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it… EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. . whom she can trust, whom she can’t, and why she shouldn’t take it personally… EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… where to go… be it to her best friend’s kitchen table… or a charming Inn in the woods… when her soul needs soothing… EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW… What she can and can’t accomplish in a day… a month…and a year… source: e-forwards.com

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, “how heavy is this glass of water?” Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.”

“If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” He continued, “And that’s the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.”

“So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don’t carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.” “Relax; pick them up later after you’ve rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

* If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve a warning to others.

* Never buy a car you can’t push.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are differen colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day!

source : www.e-Forwards.com

Who are they?  You get up a little earlier in the morning so that you can pack your lunch.  You get your main meal, a snack, maybe an apple and take it to work.  Once you're there you put the meal in the work refrigerator and go off to your desk.  When lunch time rolls around you go to get your lunch and BAM it is missing most of its major components.  Did the Hamburglar get you?  Were you that tired that you only thought you packed the rest of the food?  No, this is due to the Lunchtime Looters. I have personally never had anything stolen from the work refrigerator.  However, I am confident that I have seen people stealing someone else’s food.  It is pretty easy to tell when someone is double checking the room every 2 seconds to make sure that nobody new is in the break room.  But I need to know.  Why do they do it?  Is it their inner bully coming out?  Maybe the spent all of their money on that Porsche outside and they can't afford their own cookies.  I just don't understand why people steal from the office fridge. Say that for some reason I started noticing my food disappearing.  I can almost guarantee what I would do.  It's called Operation:Poison.  My lunch would be so attractive that even the eighty year old secretary would want some...better she wants some of the cookies than some of my package...but I digress.  The highlight of the lunch would be a delicious looking bag of chocolate chip cookies.  Baked with care, love, and just enough laxative that I might figure out who ate them.  I can almost hear the painful screams of the Lunchtime Looter. I'm sure there are other ways to make this person feel horrible.  Maybe start putting pictures of your children on all of the food.  If you don't have kids...find a picture on the internet and slap that on the food.  Put a little piece of paper on the food that says "May contain arsenic." or "Secret ingredient is for you".  I think the best would be catching them in the act and giving them a Terry Tate tackle.  Maybe I'm just violent...I don't know.  But revenge can be sweet and I highly suggest it.  What would you do?

View/Add Comments

source:cubicleblog.com

It's been a while, but we're back.  It was definitely not for lack of cubicle stories that we weren't posting new entries - sadly it was due to an abundance of worked combined with the holidays.  But the old man dressed in red is gone for another year, and we've managed to bull shit our way through all of the work we've had.  So with that being said, allow me to tell you a story of one person that drives me crazy in my office.  The person in question?  Mr. Talks Out Loud. Now when it comes to thinking out problems and coming up with great solutions I am a huge fan of anything that works.  When I'm trying to learn something in the comfort of my own home, a lot of times I will read things out loud because it helps me comprehend it better.  But you know what I don't do?  I don't just randomly talk out loud in the office.  There are names for people that do that.  I like to think that 'crazy-person' sums them up nicely.  If you were to be sitting on the bus and the person next to you started talking to himself like he was asking you questions, would you say that is a normal person?  I personally, might try talking back to them in a language I made up.  See what happens.  Roll the dice.  Hope they don't have a knife. What makes this guy worse is that he doesn't just mumble the conversation to himself - he literally speaks it.  Normal tone, normal volume - hence I have to look over and see what the hell is going on.  If he isn't talking to himself, he is singing. Not a song per say.  More like random words thrown together to a tune that I'm sure has something to do with the apocalypse.  It's nearly impossible to actually think, let alone work, when this is happening.  So what do you think I should do in this situation?  I've just about had my wicks end. First I thought that maybe, just maybe I could go over and ask him to stop.  But then I look at this poor bastard and think - maybe if I tell him to stop the voice in his head might take over.  What if that voice is going to tell him to jump through the window?  Do I want that on my conscious?  Second thought was maybe if I start doing the same thing he will realize that it's a distraction and that he is tot